Well…so…just a ‘tad’ to catch up on. Sheesh! Sorry I’ve been lame about writing on your baby book blog. It’s been a crazy two months. I’ve started a new job. I love it. You’ve started going to preschool five days a week from 9AM-6PM. You kind of love it. Truth is we have a sitter two days a week that picks you up at 3:30 to bring you home until I get there. I thought you would welcome the break. However, she speaks little to no English which I thought would be ‘cool’ but has ended up being semi-stressful when it comes to communicating oh…I don’t know…things like your Epi-Pen. The Epi-Pen I ask her to carry in case of emergency from you eating something you are highly allergic to. The other day on the phone from work I asked if she had it to which she honestly said, “No se…Epi-Pen.” (Yikes). It’s hard she is a lovely woman. Nothing personal. I just think for the safety of our family we need a plan B. Which at this point might be school five days a week from 9-6PM. I think those are long days for a not yet four-year-old. But may be the safest bet yet.

In other news – we are on vacation in Maine. It is sinking in quickly how kids don’t ‘get’ vacation. What’s up with that? Now I see why couples vacation with other people with kids. That always seemed annoying to me. But now I get it. When the kid is solo there is no quiet reading. Solo play. Silent puzzle doing. Going to bed with ease. No. Not at all. Not with this kid at least. You’ve almost reverted to being a baby too. Not sure what is up. Hopefully you will snap out of it why? Because it’s my VACATION. Nothing sinks in more as to limited vacation days now that I have a full-time job again.

In other other news – on this trip you have enjoyed vintage jewelry shopping almost as much as your Mom. As you know I am a vintage jewels geek and have quite a collection of my own. I love sharing the passion with you because you really take your time and look at the jewels inspecting each one. It’s been a fun activity for us to do together because it’s one of the first where I don’t feel rushed! Here is an adorable picture of you enjoying a pair of vintage earrings you picked today.

It’s even cute sideways. I love you.

xo

One of your favorite things to do with Dad is go to the Brooklyn Museum on the weekend. You two hop in in the car (after Dad gets his much needed coffee) and off you go. My favorite parts of your visits with Dad there are the photos you two send me on your various adventures. Sometimes you are in fun, new parts of the museum. Sometimes you are making funny faces. Sometimes you take pictures of the art you saw to tell me about later.
Today you sent this one to me and said: That looks like my mommy…

Nothing makes me happier than to hear you two bound up the steps to tell me about your latest adventures.

xo

L: Mommy…will M (the sitter) know how to cook my food? But what if she makes it too hot?
L: Mommy…will M know how to read the ingredients? (for allergies – this one killed me to the core)
L: Mommy…maybe YOU can work at the office and DADDY can stay home. How bout that?
L: Mommy…can I visit you for lunch at your office?
L: Mommy…maybe M (the sitter) can just come for ONE part of the day…like breakfast…
L: Mommy… I will miss you when you go to the office

That last line has been said a lot in the last few days. I always try to listen and allow you the feeling but then I follow it up with something positive. Today I said, ” I know. I’ll miss you so much too. But…”
You cut me off and said, “I know Mommy. You go make us some money for a new house!”

I love you my sweet little girl.
xo

I’ve thanked you before in the past but I want to thank you again. Thank you for being so ‘glass half full’ most the time. You make my life so much richer and more full as a result. Corny I know. But true. I couldn’t do it without you.

Last night and today you had a fever. I hate when you have a fever. I chose my upcoming job for many reasons but one specifically was the amazing benefits offered which allow parents to be parents when their child is sick. The amount of sick days, personal days, etc. included sounded like the best possible plan for our family.

So…today I was a little melancholy. I couldn’t help but get the sense of a sand timer starting as I counted down the days until I start work. Not in a bad way. But I guess the fact there is one day in my near future where I will wake up and you will have a fever like you have today and I won’t be the one home making you soup the way you like it, bringing you cold drinks and stroking your little hot cheek all day.

It’s ok. We’ll be ok. I said to myself a few times today.

In the afternoon we decided to go for a small walk to the deli and back. I got a seltzer and you got a lime pop. On our sunny, peaceful stroll home I brought up the reminder that soon I would be going back to work again at an office as I’ve been mentioning over and over again the last few weeks. I also rattled off a list of all the amazing people that would be around should you need them for anything – neighbors, close Mom friends, etc. You were quiet, not saying much and happily licked your pop. I hoped you were listening.

Tonight when your Dad came home he peeked on you in your room. You had been asleep for a while – still feverish. From the kitchen I heard you in your room pipe up and in the most happy, enthusiastic and strong way say, “Dad…did you know (and then you listed the neighbors, close Mom friends, etc. I mentioned earlier) will be AROUND if I need them for anything when Mommy goes back to the office?”

Thank you for listening.

xo

When I was little my Mom and I used to do sun prints: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun_printing

I always love doing what I consider a little ‘country’ project here in Brooklyn. It was a perfect zen way to relax after school despite the madness of kids around us screaming like banshees. Many of the kids of all ages stopped to admire our work saying, “Cool! What is that?!”

xo

Over the weekend you had another growth spurt. Some of them in your life have been subtle and others are so ‘in your face’ it’s like watching a flower grow in fast forward right before your very eyes. We spent a lovely, sunny, happy weekend on Long Island ringing in the first days of summer with family and good friends for Memorial Day weekend.

Something about this trip changed in you. You were a pure joy to travel with despite the ‘standing room only’ for most of the not so air-conditioned train trip. You have no longer been ‘snacking’ between meals and have really held out until actual meals for which you say loudly and quite present, “I’m hungry!” (PS – I’ve attempted this 100 million times before btw and it’s only now working). You ate an ENTIRE large piece of flounder cooked merely in olive oil and salt. Go you! As we know getting you to eat ANY protein is our biggest food challenge. You played nicely and happily by yourself. You were very easy going during transitions such as the morning of Memorial Day when I awoke at 7:52AM remembering there was a 8AM parade I wanted to take you to. Your eyes fluttered open and I was literally standing there over you in the dark, “Wanna go to a parade?”

I love you. I am so proud of you. And I honestly feel like you’ve spent the last two weeks and counting trying to ‘reassure’ me in some way that you are so very fine and excited by life and growing. Your timing is perfect as I couldn’t feel more reassured as I approach my new full-time job start date of June 20th. Thank you for being such a team player.

Over the weekend your Dad and I also shared a parental milestone as we watched you loop around a carnival ride (train caboose) on your own waving to us on the sidelines. Why this photo is sideways I have no idea but it’s 3:28AM and tech support is passed out on the couch asleep.

That little wave crushed me with cuteness every time you looped past us in your little shades. I even shed a small tear.

When you first got on the ride I must admit I had a pause letting you though the gates on your own. The carnival guy lead you over to the ride and I yelled out to him a little desperate sounding:

K: Want me to strap her in???

The carnival guy smiled back at me and said, “Lady, she’s good.”

And you were good. In fact you were great. I promise you Lili that I’ll fight the urge to want to forever strap you in. But I’m your mother. I’ll secretly always want to keep you near. And even if your future high school prom date thinks it’s lame… I plan to stand there by the stretch limo, tapping on the tinted glass…waving like a fool.

xo

Your mother has had a long, winding road of careers in her lifetime. It took me a long while to get where I landed. I think this was a good thing. I would encourage you to try the same when you are older – if not – the shorter version.

When I reflect back on my various career paths I now see that despite how random the paths were they were all headed more or less in the same direction. In some small way…together they made me a more well-rounded individual. Or at least nothing else – a good cocktail party guest with lots of stories.

Some of my careers off the top of my head include:

I worked in a bakery. A perfume factory. I designed live action game show props. I worked in fashion. I wrote full feature articles for magazines. I opened celebrity fan mail. I babysat. I modeled fashion in a small runway show. I was a cater/waiter. A cocktail waitress. I was briefly a bass player in a pop punk band. I worked in a post-production studio. I worked as a waitress in college at a truck stop in Virginia. I worked for the National Scrabble Association. I managed a team of 3D digital animators. I worked in a film production office. I was a wardrobe stylist for HD TV shoots. And…the list goes on.

My last job before getting pregnant with you Lili was as a Writer/Producer On-Air for a popular women’s TV network. At the time I stayed up late worrying about things like fashion/models/girls gone bad and other things that haunted me slightly when thinking…yes I went to an all women’s college. So?

I joke but I am forever grateful for all my jobs and especially for my last FT one as I never learned so much about Writing/Producing in such a small amount of time. People trusted me and gave me opportunities I will forever be grateful for that got me where I am today.

Speaking of today…

Today Lili…(really Friday) I accepted an offer for my ‘dream’ job. It starts at the end of June. Something that has made me feel as if I’ve truly come full circle in my career, my life as a writer and also as your mother. I will now be the: Writer, Nick Jr. On-Air – for Nickelodeon’s preschool division. That’s right Lili. Mama not only lives and breaths the two to four-year-old demographic but can now write about it too. I know you were a little curious if at my new office I would run into our buddies we watch every morning – Little Bear/Peppa Pig/Olivia, etc. I promise I’ll say hello for you if I do. And no matter what you have my word that I’ll make this time working worth while for our family. Thank you for all your love and support Lili. I couldn’t have done it without out. Truly.

K: You got it sister. L: Mom…you’re not my sister

L: Mom…do you want to go to my school when you turn little?

L: Mom…what’s courage? K: Well…the strength to do something hard or scary. L: Can I have courage? K: Sure you can. Always. L: I’d like pink courage…ok Mom?

Lili carrying baby doll around…K: Lili…you are such a good mommy. How did you learn to be such a good mommy? (pause) L: My Dad taught me.

(in all caps because you pretty much yelled the entire story)

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MEAN DRAGON WITH MEAN SISTERS. AND A MEAN WITCHTY WITCH SCARED THE PRINCESSES AWAY BUT THE DOGS PROTECTED THEM BUT SOME NICE GUYS CAME AND SHOOED THEM AWAY.

THE MEAN SISTER WAS REALLY MEAN SHE HIT THE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AND THEY SAID NO NO! AND THEN THE NICE GUY CAME AND THEN THE CANDLESTICK COME AND SAID I’M LATE I’M LATE I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME!

THEN…(this part was sung)

I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU SUN OH SHINE TODAY
AND BALLOONS FALL IN THE AIR
AND TIME FOR STICKERS WHEN YOU SHARE

THEN…SOME EYEBALLS CAME. AND THEN THE PRETTY PRINCESSES GOES IN THE EYEBALLS. THEY GOT IN BY *SCRUNCHING* UP AND THEN CRAWLING. THEY WENT IN BECAUSE THE EYEBALLS PROTECTED THEM FROM THE EVIL GUY.

THE EVIL GUY’S NAME…WAS…JERSEY.

THE END”

Last night I dreamed of big white elephants. Or maybe they were grey with a white glow around them. Regardless they were BIG. Not scary. Just so darn big. I consulted an online dream dictionary (for fun) it said:

To a Hindu…the elephant headed god Ganesha represents the power to remove obstacles. Similarly, western dream interpretation has always considered dreams of elephants to bring great good luck.

Ok. I’ll take it.

Oddly enough – the other night you woke from a deep dream Lili. You called for me. When I went into your room to give you water you sat upright in the dark, guzzled, exhaled and said half asleep out of nowhere, “Mom. An obstacle…is something that gets in your way.” and then hit the sack cold again like a toddler Yoda in the dark.

I haven’t mentioned this anywhere online because I am still processing all the feelings associated with such an upcoming transition but I feel the transition is pretty near. Even if it happens this week or months from now – it’s happening. No. Not kid two. But I’ve decided to go back to work full time. This is a big step for you Lili, me and our family. And finally I feel whole heartedly as your mother I can truly say – this family is ready.

So…how did we get here? It might help to back up and read this:  http://kdunk.com/2008/04/09/you-did-it/

To summarize the last 3.5 years…your supportive, amazing, hardworking Dad ‘let’ me be a stay at home mother while I also maintained a small (very small) business of freelance income writing. When the stars were aligned this honestly felt like the secret to life. In the early years I could nurse you while screening/logging/writing commercials. Later…I’d send you off with a sitter a few days a week while I wrote from home and worked late nights. And recently…I work from home or the library or a cafe and can pick you up at 3:45PM from school. I smell your hair. I carry you when you should walk. I kiss your happy, dirty, tired plump cheeks. I talk to you about your amazing, full day and how much you LOVE school. You ask back, “Mom, how was your day?” I hold you a little too tight because I know that we are both growing.

Out of nowhere a job came up that literally sounded like a ‘dream job’.  I searched the “Mom clothes” dresser and panicked for my lack of interview clothes. We went shopping together Lili and you helped me pick a great interview outfit. I updated the resume. I bought and wore stockings. While it all happened so quickly…the consideration of this path to full-time work…it all felt right. Come September we have plans for you  to attend school five days a week like it or not. Time for Mama to bring home the bacon. Even though you hate bacon. Or any meat. Don’t worry. I won’t bring any of that home. In fact…sorry to even mention it.

Here is where we are at…a literal cut and paste from the last post I linked to above. The part part of the story where I would insert all the gushy emotional boo hoo amazing things about your father’s love and support with this decision Lili but then the guys at the office would make fun of him so I promise to whisper them to you another time. Because it’s all true.

For the last 3.5 years I’ve had the most once in a lifetime experience being your mother. Going to play dates. Art classes. Library story hour. Swimming lessons.  Making rainy day tents. Playing dollhouse. Dress up. Fort. Doing art projects. Going to museums. Building castles in a sandbox. Visiting every playground in Brooklyn. Staying home with you to care for you when you were ill. Grocery shopping for you. Taking you to every doctors appointment. Shopping at IKEA mid-day on a quiet Monday. Manicures. Pedicures. Basically everything your father does with you (minus IKEA and Mani/Peds) but with a smidge more Mom time. As a family we decided you would benefit from one parent being home. My job allows me to freelance – sort of. Thanks to your father wanting the best for you we made it work. I couldn’t be more proud of you Lili and how you continue to grow as a person.

There have been many stages to this transition and I’ve been again…so darn lucky to have them go slow enough for me and all of the rest of the family to process it. It started with a heart to heart you and I had in your bed one night. I asked you what you thought about me going back to work. I explained the perks. I told you I would miss you terribly but you would be going to school more soon. And I even presented the options of you staying at school for extended hours until I come get you or a sitter. And you honestly paused and listened quietly and said, “Mom…I love school.” As I said to your father, you are the last person I’ve ended up worrying about during this whole transition because you honestly love life Lili. You love getting out there and trying new things. You fill me with confidence as your mother that if something isn’t working for you that you will let me know and we can talk about it. It’s been a nice reminder to ‘lighten up’ about this whole topic of going back to work full-time and to just go for it.

These days as I await a response for a potential ‘dream job’, I’ve had an oddly familiar feeling. It only occurred to me yesterday that it’s the same sensation I felt before giving birth. Those odd, long, wandering days of waiting to go into labor. Waiting for a big, life transition to take place and having a combination of ‘scramble to get things done’ mixed with just a genuine lost feeling.

Yesterday it was raining. You suggested we go for french fries. I thought it was a fine idea. Off we went to our favorite French place for a ladies lunch. We talked about life. I reminded you that I might be going to an office soon. You smiled and said, “Great Mom!” I asked you what you wanted to do when you grow up and you said, “Feed bunnies.”

Who knows what results the recent round of interviews will bring. But all I know Lili is when I looked over during our ladies lunch at this very grown up, proud, happy, well adjusted, go getter face across the lunch table from me I felt like your father and I have done something right. Thank you and Dad for giving me this dream job for the last 3.5 years. I love you both.

On to the next!

xo

For the last month you’ve been talking about Easter. You really are so excited.

You were WAY into decorating Easter Eggs this year. And so were we. It was a perfect rainy day/trapped indoors type project.

Dad was also way into it even though he played it cool. In fact Dad came up with the cutest egg of all time – a watermelon…

Almost done…

Ta da!

We love you. And happy almost Easter!

xo

You were such a little champ at swimming class this week. It was the second to last class and you finally dove in the pool on your own despite each week resisting. The game is all parents are in the pool while the kids stand on the side of the pool. We sing…

Jack be nimble… Jack be quick… Jack jump OVER…(jump into pool) the candle stick

When the kids dive in the parents catch the kids in their arms and then let you dip into the water – not fully dunk. Although you are getting close to going fully under. You still are trying to understand blowing water out your nose.

You forget as a parent sometimes that when you teach kids the basics you are literally starting from scratch. They know NOTHNG. As a parent you had to constantly think of clever and very simple concepts for kids to have that lightbulb moment in order for something to really click. For example – how do you teach a kid to blow water out their nose in a pool? This is gross but I said, “It’s like blowing your nose. Blow water out your nose. Push the air out your nose” And it seemed to work a little. At times I found myself getting frustrated when I was just holding you on your belly and the teacher would toss a ball in the water for you to swim to. You would just float in my hands staring at the ball frozen as to how to reach it. I would yell, “Swim Lili! Swim!” But you don’t know what that means. So then I’d break it down, “Lili…kick your feet..kick them…don’t stop…keep kicking…now scoop your hands…good…scoop them…now keep your mouth closed…”. Eventually you had a groove going.

I can tell you are starting to get the basics of swimming because in this same class there were some waves and you got some water in your mouth and yelled “I spit it out Mom! I spit it out!” and were so excited. At the beginning of the season you would just guzzle and swallow gross public pool water all the time. Right now you are learning to close your mouth and move both your arms and legs at the same time. Sometimes you concentrate so hard on your kicking you forget about your arms. But you are doing so well! So well that we plan to sign up for the next session.

Over the weekend your Dad had the great idea for us to visit the beautiful Storm King Art Center – an outdoor sculpture park.

We stayed at a cute little hotel in town that had an indoor swimming pool. Dad got to check out your moves even though you wanted to mostly ride on his back like a baby koala bear.

We love you and are so proud of how much you are learning in life Lils. Keep it up!

xo

For our latest art project we worked on a Mixed Media Person.

Supplies Used:

Anything with texture. In this case – pink glitter glue, google eyes, silver glitter glue, construction paper, sequin shapes, felt pieces and magazine clippings.

Prep:

I cut out ‘people parts’ – arms, legs, etc. Lili placed them.

I cut long strip of green construction paper which I held and she cut little grass blades into

Easy and fun!

L: (100% insulted) NO MOM! It’s DADDY!!!