KDUNK

Dear Lili,

Recently you and I headed over to a friend’s place to keep her company while her husband headed back to work and she was home with their newborn baby. Back in the early days of motherhood I always enjoyed visits from friends especially in the early months. Then I remembered after the fact that those friends never brought their rambunctious toddlers. And here is why…

When we arrived my new Mom friend was nursing quietly and peacefully with the lights low and a nice movie on. We barged in and Lili you proceeded to run around the apartment like a mad woman which as a curious toddler-  I should have expected. Then the following went down (not necessarily in this order):

-you ate and spilled messy snacks all over their nice couch

-you fell off a chair and started screaming  and crying which made the newborn scream

-you TP’d the bathroom when I was not looking

-you dug your dirty hands in my friend’s fancy lip gloss (sorry – super gross)

-you ran around in their backyard and got wet from rain and then managed to get covered in mud

and then for the pièce de résistance you opened a bottle of fancy baby oil and poured it all over their chair and ottoman in their perfectly decorated nursery.

I do have to thank you though Lili. After this incident you gave me a fantastic business idea. It would be a service to new Moms feeling down and out about their current newbornhood – the lack of sleep. the endless crying, etc. You and I Lili would be hired to come over and spend oh…half and hour to three hours letting you destroy their house and make their lives utter hell.

Magically they would feel cured. Lils, what do you think?