KDUNK

Dear Lilian,

You know…I read about phases toddlers go through in various books but I never really think it will apply to you. Why? Because aside from kicking my butt on a regular basis – in general you are a pretty good kid.

But woah. The last week has been the exception. We are in a full blown 18 month separation anxiety phase that I not only felt unprepared for but currently feel exhausted by.

Here is what the pros say:

Many children go through a second phase of separation anxiety around 18 months of age that eases as communication skills improve. Symptoms of normal separation anxiety include increasing unease and crying when separated from you or when you show signs of leaving. He or she may also exhibit whining, clinginess or insistence on physical contact with you, shyness, unusual silence, and an unwillingness to interact with others, even if they are familiar.

This is you on the button Lili. You are physically clinging to my legs as I walk from room to room and when I take you to the park you will not go more than two inches from me to run to the slides or show interest in the swings. It’s so ‘not you’. When the normal Mom friends we run into in the park say hello to you you scowl back. I could almost deal if this were the only symptom but every day this week you literally say, “Mommy, mommy, mommy” every five seconds and whine whine whine for most the day even though I’m a few short inches from you. Your regular three days a week babysitter is currently on maternity leave so I guess this could have something to do with it – going from being away from me since you were a small baby three days a week to now 24/7 together. But….yikes.

Here is what I’ve read to help the situation:

What to Do?

The root cause of separation anxiety is your child’s inability to understand that you will return at some point after you leave, so teaching your child this concept will help him get over separation anxiety more quickly. Games such as peek-a-boo and “where’s the baby?” are helpful in demonstrating this idea.

You can also practice trial separations with your baby. Tell him that you will be going into another room and that you’ll be back soon. Repeat the assurances as you leave and talk to him from the other room to demonstrate that you still exist, even though he cannot see you. After a few moments, come back in the room. Gradually increase the length of these practice separations and he will eventually learn that it’s okay if you are gone for a little while and that you’ll always return.

When you do leave your baby, don’t sneak away when he isn’t looking; this will frighten and confuse him and will only exacerbate his feeling of abandonment. Instead, make your good-byes short and sweet when you leave. Tell your baby you love him, give him a kiss, say good-bye and tell him that you’ll be back soon and then leave. Resist the temptation to return if he begins crying – this will only make it more difficult and develop bad habits.

This is also not the time to try out a new babysitter, so if possible, choose a caregiver that your child knows well. However, if you do have to use an unfamiliar sitter, have him or her spend extra time getting to know your baby before you leave and make sure your child is comfortable with the individual before you say good-bye.

Comments/suggestions from any experienced parents that have already gone through this welcome!