They chew with their mouths open
You buy nice clothes for them – not because you want to ‘change them’ – but because you think they would actually look nice in this particular item. And then they puke on it.
They never change their bedsheets
They are always digging in your wallet for money
They claw at your breasts and give you that goofy stare
You go to great lengths to make a delicious dinner and they can’t take their eyes off the TV
When you put them on the phone to say hello to your parents they can barely utter a ‘hello’
Don’t pick up after themselves leaving shoes and socks strewn about the house
They fart in the tub
They eat pretzels in your bed even though you tell them not to and you find yourself pissed and resentful throughout the night as bits of salt scratch your legs
Distracted by shiny objects
