KDUNK

Dear Lili,

I love you babe – but you are a major slob. Half eaten pretzel sticks soggy and gross at the bottom of my purse. Spilled strawberry milk on our rug. Sticky applesauce on our blankets. Toothpaste smeared on our shower curtain. Pizza stained wall streaks near your tiny table and chairs where you eat in our living room. Splattered hummus here and there. Despite making you sit still while eating accept for occasional snacks in your room – I can’t figure out for the life of me how it happens.

And last night after a long long day of picking up after you  – toys strewn about like a plastic explosion – I watched the final straw as you….

held a tiny bag of 10 cheddar bunny shaped crackers in your hand

proceeded to drop them accidentally and everywhere as you ran across your room in innocent glee for a toy

and as you ran back towards me again – despite the random nature of the dispersed crackers – you somehow managed to step…and crunch…and crush each cracker in your path (without looking or on purpose) with as much accuracy as a Dance Dance Revolution video game expert perfectly jumping on each and every lit up square.

Tired. Frazzled. Help.

xo

Dear Lili,

Your obsession with ‘necks’ aka necklaces continues. Each morning you continue to want to put them on but now you seem to really want to pile them on before bed – often over your pajamas. Just last night I had to start creating a night night ritual where we take each and every necklace off you and wish it good night in order for you to finally go to sleep. Necklace free. You are fun and adorable to be with. And we love you more and more each day.

Dear Lili,

When you grow up and your friends ask you what kind of Mom you had – lets hope you don’t recall nights like tonight while in the wine store  – exhausted, frazzled and so very tired…I pulled my wallet from my purse only to then notice the five pantiliner Maxipads stuck to it.

You know.

That kind of Mom.

xo

They chew with their mouths open

You buy nice clothes for them – not because you want to ‘change them’ – but because you think they would actually look nice in this particular item. And then they puke on it.

They never change their bedsheets

They are always digging in your wallet for money

They claw at your breasts and give you that goofy stare

You go to great lengths to make a delicious dinner and they can’t take their eyes off the TV

When you put them on the phone to say hello to your parents they can barely utter a ‘hello’

Don’t pick up after themselves leaving shoes and socks strewn about the house

They fart in the tub

They eat pretzels in your bed even though you tell them not to and you find yourself pissed and resentful throughout the night as bits of salt scratch your legs

Distracted by shiny objects

Dear Lili:

For whatever reason your father and I were WIPED TIRED by 8PM last night. We had a nice full day with friends doing a trillion million things. But by 8PM we resembled a couple of empty headed dummies totally out of our minds with exhaustion from our full week not to mention lack of sleep.

I sat you down at your mini IKEA table to feed you dinner and your father came into the room:

E: Are we going to give her a tub?

(we both stare at your dirt crusted snot stained face and black finger nails)

K: Um…nah…I think she is ok

E: Yay cool. I was thinking that too.

Five seconds passed and your father walked back into the room. I said in all seriousness:

K: Can you please run her bath?

E: (pause) Wait…I thought we just said no bath

K: Oh yeah yeah…sorry…I forgot

Five seconds later…as if we have literally never spoke of this:

E: Do you think she needs a bath?

K: Maybe….

We finally pulled our heads out of our butts and got you ready for bed.

I grabbed your dirty top and pulled it over your head – Dad pulled your mud stained pants off. The whole while you stared up at us from your changing table as we sang you a happy song feigning total enthusiasm and failing miserably.

As the song neared it’s end – your Dad handed me your dirty shirt and I handed him your dirty pants. And without missing a beat we began putting…the exact same dirty clothes… we just took off you.

One arm in and one pant leg later I stopped mid-song and turned to your father…

K: Wait…what are we doing?

E: What?

K: These are her dirty clothes we just took off?

E: They are?

I can not even begin to tell you how hard I laughed. The entire scene just seemed so absurd. Two grown adults – given a child – to raise and care for – to be clear headed and right minded in caring for and taking care of a small child. And we couldn’t even manage to put her pajamas on before bed!

All I know is I needed the laugh and apparently so did Dad. We laughed until we cried and then you chimed in Lili thinking the whole scene was hysterical. You know what? It was. We so needed that.

Warning: This is gross…

This morning I woke up to Lilian crying and covered head to toe in an extreme poop explosion. The kind where it was all over her sheets and crib and pajamas and body and hair, etc. Eliot attempted to take her pajamas off gingerly when finally we decided screw it – we ripped them off her and literally carried her under her armpits with her feet dangling and headed straight into the tub to be cleaned.

There is a lot of potty talk lately. Mostly because we are semi-potty training and trying to figure out the best methods. Our pediatrician’s philosophy is to let a child pee and poop around the house freely without a diaper until they become more or less ashamed. While this may work for some – for us – I can’t see it. I can’t.

I’ve also seen a lot of this happening around the neighborhood as of late – mini travel potties with a Ziploc bag like thing attached at the bottom:

The first time I saw this method it was a mother setting it up in broad daylight in front of the movie theater near our house while her daughter took down her pants and underwear and sat down. I was totally freaked out and called a Mom friend to ask her if we have to do this? She said no. Maybe it works but what is this teaching kids? Pee and crap whenever and wherever you want while people watch you. Maybe it works. I don’t know.

Still working on our methods. Although right now it just seems fun to spin the toilet paper roll and watch the mess.

Lili,

Some small things before I forget:

Just a minute ago you were standing in your room in pig pajamas. You picked up your mini play tin tea cup and your plastic animal zebra. You put the teacup over the zebra’s head and said, “Zeeba…Sip…Ahhhhhh” – Ahhh being the sound your father taught you (ahem) after taking a frosty drink of something. You are cute.

**

This morning at breakfast you were seated at your new mini table and chairs set from IKEA. We are trying to teach you to sit properly for meals and gearing you up for snack time at preschool. So far so good. This morning you got very frustrated though because you wanted something more to eat. But sometimes I think you forget you are able to communicate because you made almost a baby fussing sound, pounded on the table and at an ear piercing decibel yelled ‘more’ in Spanish, “MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!” several times. Finally I broke through the trance of yells and said, “Que mas Lili?” (ps – for any Spanish speakers reading this I am sorry for my lame Spanish) to which you stared at me blankly and with a long pause said clear as day…’cereal’.

**

Currently you LOVE necklaces which you call ‘necks’. Every day you want to choose one from ‘a selection’ of junk jewelry I’ve started collecting from various Brooklyn stoop sales. If you don’t like the suggestion I present you yell ‘NO NECK!!!!!’ until given another choice. Diva in the making. Sigh.

**

You are really into monsters lately. We were reading a picture book the other night that had various photos associated with letters. M was for monster and as a little prank I yelled MONSTERS!!! when we got to it and then got big eyes and in a low tone said with a shudder – ‘scary‘. Despite jumping ten feet in the air when I yelled monsters you became totally OBSESSED with monsters. You even pulled out a big book of monsters that you had ignored to date that dear friends from France gave us and wanted to go through each page with me yelling MONSTERS…giving a shudder and with big eyes saying in a low tone – ‘scary‘. You now partake when getting to that part of the book. Your eyes get big and you yell ‘MONO!!!!!!!!” and say some version of ‘scary’. Then you laugh and move on.

**

THINGS YOU CURRENTLY LOVE:

Spinach. Can’t get enough. Necklaces. Watching a random mix of You Tube videos with Dad on the iphone in bed in the early morning. You tiny doll stroller with a straw purse slung on the back. Your pink bean bag. Digging with a shovel in dirt or sand. Rocks. Climbing up stairs on your own. Wearing hats. Umbrellas. Milk. Rubbing your Tin Tin stuffed animal dog Snowy on your nose – but just his ears. Talking (screaming) on the phone when I call someone and you want to say hello. Putting your dolls ‘Nigh Nigh’ with a blanket over them. Actually you do this to cell phones and other random objects too now that I think of it.

THINGS YOU CURRENTLY HATE:

Getting dressed. Getting your diaper changed. Getting in your stroller. Getting books read to you – you want to hold them (see any control issue patterns here?!) Meat. Any form – any kind – never liked it – never show signs of this changing. Don’t like it when things are closed that you can’t open but you know have the ability to open (jar with lid, etc.) Yogurt.

Oh Dear.

We’ve had our first attempt at stealing. While in the drug store last night you managed to put on a chunky fake gold necklace in your stroller while I wasn’t looking. We had left the store and were far on our way home by the time I noticed. I will have to go back today and pay for it. I’m sure they won’t mind. Or I might go to jail. Either one. The best is you INSISTED on wearing it but I INSISTED you keep the tag on until it is returned or paid for. So you rocked the necklace with tag still on look most the day. You are a modern day Minnie Pearl.

Dear Lili,

Sometimes little thoughts pop up in my head such as tonight when I stare at you and think – how on earth did this little tiny thing grow in me and is now running around wearing beads and jelly shoes and saying ‘egg! egg! egg!’ – so surreal I literally can’t stand it sometimes.

I am grateful for you. I am humbled by you. I love you.

xo

Dear Lili,

Back in the day when your father and I were first dating I used to try and ‘play it cool’ when I saw him walking up the street to meet me like, “Oh hey…” – as if I hardly noticed him. The truth was – more often than not I was beside myself with excitement that he was coming over to hang out with me.

The same thing happens – the same feeling – when you have kids. Even better – your fan base has now expanded.

Many nights you and I stall to wait for Dad’s arrival. Our mission – to see him come down the block after a long day of working hard for us – and for him to see our two shining faces peer out the window – and watch him break into a smile.

Our little family – so not playing it cool.

Dear Lili,

Yesterday we walked a playdate to the door to say goodbye. You wanted to go outside so we did despite the mild rain coming down. But then half way down the block it began to really come down so I grabbed you and we ran back indoors.

You did not like it one bit. No sir. I do admit – even though it was raining it was still so beautiful and nice out. So you pitched a fit and when I put you on the ground inside the front hall you pounded on the door saying ‘back? back? back?’ – your new phrase – you wanted to go back outside.

I said, “Lilian – it’s raining honey.” You looked so frustrated and bummed.  I then watched you give a deep sigh and almost as if a lightbulb went on you marched over confidently to the front hall basket where we keep the umbrellas and grabbed a polka dotted one. Again you stared up at me in your tiny soaked pink hooded sweatshirt and with big eyes holding up the umbrella with all your might you said, “Back? Back?”

We went back outside. And thank goodness because it was ridiculous to say no. It was beautiful out. I even let you hold the umbrella over your head with your very own tiny hands (while I got soaked!). The best was – from my perspective looking down at you holding the umbrella – you resembled a tiny mushroom toddling down the sidewalk.

Every person that passed us broke into a grin. Thank you for always reminding me to keep it real babe. I love you.