Dear Lili,
I can officially say at 17 months we have reached the exciting stage of TANTRUMS. YAY! Yay for us.
It started on Monday. Just like that. Out of nowhere while preparing you for your normal tub which your ALWAYS LOVE – love to throw tub toys in – love to kick and splash – you totally, totally, totally melted down. You kicked and bloody murder screamed your guts out. Your face was beet red. Your eyes were streaming tears and were darting from left to right like a crazy person. You wrenched your body in uncomfortable twists and turns trying to get out of our grasp. Basically a total nightmare.
Because I am conceited and think I am the center of the universe when it comes to knowing everything about parenting (ask Dad) I assumed it was because Dad came home from work and we had a quick transition – aka – me throwing you into his arms and leaving the room. Not that I don’t think Dad does a good job. And not that I didn’t think you didn’t ‘know who this guy was’. It’s just that I happened to notice during the past week (and your babysitter too) that you have been a little Mommy clingy lately. Lets just say – this is not your usual style.
The good news is – you taught me the best lesson tonight which was – apologize to Dad and stop crawling up his butt about parenting. Why? Because tonight when I went to put you in a tub flying solo – Dad still at work – you totally did the exact same thing to me. In fact worse.
My tantrum version – lucky me – involved the same screaming, beet red face, falling on floor of bathroom, banging your head, gasping, tears streaming out of nowhere from the other night…but was also complete with a 15 minute finale involving you nearly falling off your changing table in twisting body protest. After I finally wrangled a diaper on you I put the still screaming you on the floor in only a diaper to attempt to put your pajamas on – and then you proceeded to kick me in the face several times until you escaped out of my arms and threw yourself facedown on the rug literally kicking and punching your fists. This went on for 15 minutes.
Because I am tired and haven’t read the tantrum chapter yet – I just said to you calmly, “Lilian. I’m sorry you are angry. I think you are very tired after a long day and it’s almost time for night night.” to which you half paused and literally then once again flung your body to the ground and continued without missing a beat.
The good news is you survived the tantrum. And so did I. The even better news – you provided me with a great reminder that this is an important phase in life and not necessarily about the Mother or Father’s roles in this case.
I hear you now screaming from your crib. This time happily as you chant, “Mama Dada Mama Dada Mama Dada”. Got that right.
I read Happiest Toddler on the Block and you might find some parts helpful in how to respond. My 21 month old goes through phases so when we hit a rough one, I tell my self, this too shall pass. It’s hard when you are in it but I have learned nothing lasts forever or even for more than a couple of days. Good luck. You sound like an awesome mom.