KDUNK

Dear Lilian,

You are lucky enough to have five grandparents total. This is a lot of pressure on the only grand kid in the entire family. But so far you seem to handle it with grace. Me? Dad? Lets just say all this attention is taking some getting used to.

* NOTE: Because every eyeball from each and every one of those grandparents will be reading this – that would be ten eyeballs – that’s a lot of eyeballs – they should know I am JOKING WITH LOVE in my recap of the recent visit with them. So here goes.

*ALSO NOTE: Each grandparents has already decided on a name for themselves despite Lilian not being able to talk yet.

CHRISTMAS BREAKFAST WITH THE GRANDPARENTS:

-Me: (passing Nona (Eliot’s Mom) in the hall) Merry Chri… – Nona: The baby up yet????????

-Bring baby down to kitchen with plans to feed her. Nona and Grammy (my mother) circling like vultures going in for the kill. Each pretending to be casual as if they don’t notice Lilian has entered the room. Sort of like when you are at a party and a celebrity walks into the room and your friend says, “”Oh my God! Don’t look!” Like this – but for babies.

This facade soon fades away at rapid speed. I put Lili down in high chair.

Nona: (furious scramble of chairs moving and table being pushed aside) Need help? Here let me… Here take this chair…Sit here this is more comfortable…

Me: No really…no…I…I’m fine…I just need to…

Grammy: (several knives, plates, random pieces of food being handed to me) Need a knife? Here is some fruit? Here…would she like this? How about this?

Me: No it’s ok…I’m just going to give her…No thanks but… Really I….

Throw down a cooked frozen waffle on Lillian’s tray. Lilian munches away ignoring everyone and everything except her waffle.

A few minutes pass and then Nona slides a chair quietly over to Lilian’s left and gradually leans in closer and closer and closer until finally she is so close to Lilian’s face it is as if she is using Lilian’s eyeball as a microscope.

Nona begins: “Hi baby. Hi baby. Hi baby. Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. Hi baby. Hi baby. Hi baby. Hi baby. Yum. Yum. Yum….”

Grammy sees Nona going in. Sees this as a signal to circle closer. Entering stage right she leans in to Lilian – so close she could steal the waffle from Lilian’s mouth with own, “Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!”

Together they sound like this (and just because they are whispering doesn’t mean it’s any better):

“Hi baby…Hi baby!…Hi…Yum…Hi baby….Hi baby….Yum…Hi baby….Yum…Hi…Hi baby….Yum…”

-Me (finally losing it): Ok?! Woah. Grandmothers! Everyone needs to back away here! We need a little space ok? Lilian (me) is still waking up here!

They immediately retract. They know they are being bad. A few silent moments go by and Lilian munches away. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly they begin again.

Nona: Hi! Yum. Hi! Yum. Hi! Yum. Hi! Yum. Hi! Yum.

Grammy: Yum Yum Yum! Yum Yum Yum! Yum Yum Yum!

My father (Papa) enters the room and seeing that Lilian’s left and right sides are taken for – stands behind her high chair and hangs his hands down above her head and wiggles his fingers directly in front of her face:

Papa: Peek A Boo! Peek A Boo! Peek A Boo! Peek A Boo!

Together they sound like this:

Crazy Grandparent Chorus: Hi! Yum. Yum Yum Yum! Peek A Boo! (repeat 80 times)

I feel defeated. There could never be enough coffee to endure this.

Eliot enters room and observes the insanity.

Eliot: What is going on here??

Me: (giving him that look as if to say) If you only knew…