KDUNK

Dear Lilian,

You are lucky enough to have five grandparents total. This is a lot of pressure on the only grand kid in the entire family. But so far you seem to handle it with grace. Me? Dad? Lets just say all this attention is taking some getting used to.

* NOTE: Because every eyeball from each and every one of those grandparents will be reading this – that would be ten eyeballs – that’s a lot of eyeballs – they should know I am JOKING WITH LOVE in my recap of the recent visit with them. So here goes.

*ALSO NOTE: Each grandparents has already decided on a name for themselves despite Lilian not being able to talk yet.

CHRISTMAS BREAKFAST WITH THE GRANDPARENTS:

-Me: (passing Nona (Eliot’s Mom) in the hall) Merry Chri… – Nona: The baby up yet????????

-Bring baby down to kitchen with plans to feed her. Nona and Grammy (my mother) circling like vultures going in for the kill. Each pretending to be casual as if they don’t notice Lilian has entered the room. Sort of like when you are at a party and a celebrity walks into the room and your friend says, “”Oh my God! Don’t look!” Like this – but for babies.

This facade soon fades away at rapid speed. I put Lili down in high chair.

Nona: (furious scramble of chairs moving and table being pushed aside) Need help? Here let me… Here take this chair…Sit here this is more comfortable…

Me: No really…no…I…I’m fine…I just need to…

Grammy: (several knives, plates, random pieces of food being handed to me) Need a knife? Here is some fruit? Here…would she like this? How about this?

Me: No it’s ok…I’m just going to give her…No thanks but… Really I….

Throw down a cooked frozen waffle on Lillian’s tray. Lilian munches away ignoring everyone and everything except her waffle.

A few minutes pass and then Nona slides a chair quietly over to Lilian’s left and gradually leans in closer and closer and closer until finally she is so close to Lilian’s face it is as if she is using Lilian’s eyeball as a microscope.

Nona begins: “Hi baby. Hi baby. Hi baby. Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. Hi baby. Hi baby. Hi baby. Hi baby. Yum. Yum. Yum….”

Grammy sees Nona going in. Sees this as a signal to circle closer. Entering stage right she leans in to Lilian – so close she could steal the waffle from Lilian’s mouth with own, “Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!”

Together they sound like this (and just because they are whispering doesn’t mean it’s any better):

“Hi baby…Hi baby!…Hi…Yum…Hi baby….Hi baby….Yum…Hi baby….Yum…Hi…Hi baby….Yum…”

-Me (finally losing it): Ok?! Woah. Grandmothers! Everyone needs to back away here! We need a little space ok? Lilian (me) is still waking up here!

They immediately retract. They know they are being bad. A few silent moments go by and Lilian munches away. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly they begin again.

Nona: Hi! Yum. Hi! Yum. Hi! Yum. Hi! Yum. Hi! Yum.

Grammy: Yum Yum Yum! Yum Yum Yum! Yum Yum Yum!

My father (Papa) enters the room and seeing that Lilian’s left and right sides are taken for – stands behind her high chair and hangs his hands down above her head and wiggles his fingers directly in front of her face:

Papa: Peek A Boo! Peek A Boo! Peek A Boo! Peek A Boo!

Together they sound like this:

Crazy Grandparent Chorus: Hi! Yum. Yum Yum Yum! Peek A Boo! (repeat 80 times)

I feel defeated. There could never be enough coffee to endure this.

Eliot enters room and observes the insanity.

Eliot: What is going on here??

Me: (giving him that look as if to say) If you only knew…

I hadn’t planned on being in Lilian’s first photo with Santa. But as we got closer we noticed Santa was large. Like – way large. There was no lap room. Santa’s belly hung to the sidewalk. Sort of mid-sentence too late I said, “Can we take a photo with our child on your…near your…next to you?”

During the photo he kept saying with a thick Brooklyn accent and a smokers rasp, “Here – a truck – a truck” to Lilian while trying to hand her a small truck with chokable parts.

I think he thought she was a boy. Merry Christmas.

The end.

First Plane Ride:

December 13th, 2008 from JFK to West Palm Beach Florida

Details coming soon…

Dear Lilian:

Here is a funny (and totally embarrassing to admit) letter I wrote to my friend who is a child psychologist that I thought would be good for your digital baby book. I can hear the snickers now from more experienced parents out there:

“Dear ___,

Lilian is uber uber social. For months now we joke and call her ‘the mayor of Brooklyn’. Wherever we go from whenever I can remember she has smiled and waved and laughed and wanted the attention of everyone around her.

On the playground she always has ignored us (which made us laugh) and has always focused in on trying to get the attention of all the other parents – especially the Dads. For example on the swing she will not make any interaction with us at all – we can wave and clap and act silly and she is totally zoned in on other parents pushing the adjoining swings – trying to smile and laugh and wave for them. She will even go as far as and make noises until they turn around and acknowledge her.

Today at the park a nice woman from England waved to Lili (her granddaughter was on the swing next to us) and as we walked away I said to Lili, ‘Say goodbye friend!’and Lili kept grinning and pointing at the woman and flapping her arms. We were literally strolling out of the gate and Lili was still turning her neck backwards to look at the woman while making funny noises – fake laughs even and smiling at the woman.

At times it seems so extreme – not in a bad way I guess – but I’m so curious what the deal is. She absolutely hands down also ignores all the other kids – it is almost like they aren’t even there and she zones in on all the caregivers. That is pretty common at this age still I think seeing as they still don’t ‘play’together yet. But I am so curious about what is up with the attention of others! Everywhere we go she is lucky enough for people to shower her with compliments which is cute but dude…I hope she isn’t a big egomaniac!

Response:

Dear K,

You are so very sweet to write with your concerns… In my opinion, there is nothing to worry about. Children at this age are very interested in grown ups and while you are the most amazing grown ups in Lili’s life, you are ALWAYS there so you become a little less interesting than all the other new people on the street who just LOVE your cute baby and can’t resist showering her with attention.

Adult attention is a lot more focused than child’s attention and more sustained, so it makes sense that Lili would favor that… she can have an old lady engaging with her for a long time while a kid will probably get tired much quicker and is a lot more unpredictable (won’t do all the things she wants them to do).

It is good that she is social, as you say, because it helps her know about the world around her. As she gets a little older and more independent with walking and being able to get to where she wants and be more active, she will redirect her attion to other things and less exclusively to people. But some kids are just VERY social and that is just who they are… so the veredict is still out and we will see who Lili turns out to be. The fact that she is initiating the interactions is also good, she knows what she wants and how to get it… always a good thing with kids (especially young ones). Also, when she gets a little older, she will start to negotiate with other kids around many issues and that will also help her attention and focus on different things.

The scene:

7AM

Dad holding you in your pjs in kitchen

sound of fridge door as it opens

rustle rustle

munch munch (giggle) munch munch

Lilian: Mmmn Mmmn…

Mom: Um…what are you guys eating in there?

Dad turns corner with leftover slice of cold pizza in hand & pizza all over Lilian’s face.

Dad: I’m teaching Lilian how to eat cold pizza and grow up like a good little bachelor

Hey…yeah…sorry I didn’t invite you all to this morning’s Vomit-Fest 2008.

While many of you were perhaps enjoying your Sundays eating brunch, drinking coffee, reading the paper, etc. we were awake since 5AM cleaning up soiled clothing from numerous amounts of vomit and diarrhea. Poor us.

Let me just say this. I’m all ‘down with parenting’and stuff but sometimes I gotta say – it kind of bites the big one. For example – we had a lovely but long day yesterday. After throwing our child a small b’day party we then cleaned up the place while watching the kid (who these days has the energy equivalent to someone who has eaten 15 bags of candy) and then hubs went to work a freelance job returning at 3AM. The guy is amazing! What a day!

By the time he returned early morning at 3AM and we both hit the hay after a quick hello – Lilian woke up around 5AM. Hubs goes in to check on her and is met by (and this gets really gross so warning WARNING don’t read any further unless you are a parent yourself or like gross things) a horrible stench which could only be one thing – a vomit/diarrhea combo.

Immediately we jump into action. Hubs wipes down the kid – literally wipes her down while handing me various soiled items – pjs, changing pad cover, etc. I then wiped down everything in existence that had been puked on – bed sheets, blankets, stuffed animals, floor, side of crib, mattress, mattress pad, etc. How did such a small child produce so much vomit & diarrhea?

The day continues – each of us giving the other small breaks – taking our child otherwise known as VOMIT-D to various parts of the apartment for distraction/entertainment. Several times she had to be wiped down and put in a tub after close to 8 adult size vomits that occurred in various rooms of the apartment throughout the day including our all over our bedding, my hair, hubs legs and arms, all over the washing machine we are trying to sell, down the hallway, in her room between the cracks of her plastic playmat squares, etc. Lets just say I look forward to the cleaning woman coming this week. And PS – I’m sure any Mom friend reading this is already planning to never come over to my home ever again. Great.

As I type this I sit in a vomit stained shirt (my third of day), vomit stained pants (second of day) and just picked up off the floor hubs vomit stained pants (second? of day).

But this my folks… is parenting. True love. Making a commitment. Living outside yourself. Thinking always of others. Letting go. Embracing all that is beyond your control. The joys (?) of parenthood. Loving the one(s) your with.

One of the cooler topics we learned in our hippie birthing class that proved to be true and fascinating was the concept that babies have ‘quiet alert’periods each day. This is the time when your baby is awake and calm and enjoying their time taking in the world around them. During these times the baby is not crying or fussy or hungry but instead they appear engaged and well…quiet/alert. They said those were the best times to engage with your child in regards to ‘teaching’them something.

I think kids still have these periods throughout a day and I look forward to those moments with Lilian. I never force them. I see parents on the playground forcing information on their kids when the kids are clearly no interested in absorbing. Just the other day a small girl was being pushed on the swing by her mother – the girl was holding and inspecting a maple leaf. The mother kept saying loudly, “WHAT DOES A COW SAY?” “WHAT COMES AFTER THREE?” “WHERE ARE YOUR TOES?” “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” “WHERE IS MOMMY? WHERE IS MOMMY?” I don’t know where Mommy was but she didn’t seem present. Then again – who am I to judge.

Lilian’s quiet/alert times happen earlier in the morning and oddly enough about a half hour right before bed. At these times I can tell she is not distracted by toys, noises or crawling about. She is “locked in” on what I am saying or reading to her or attempting to teach her. At these times I focus on one item like a word “feet”. I point to my feet. Her feet. Feet in a book. Ask where are the feet? We go through this routine a number of times and when I sense she is losing interest (anywhere from three minutes to ten minutes) I stop. We are always talking to her and pointing out the names of things and reading, etc. But for me this has been the best approach yet on trying to teach her things with the best results although I think every parent must wonder if it is enough.

Dear Lili,

Here are some funny things you are doing:

MAMA: After an entire year practically of calling everything ‘DaDa’– you finally made the switch and have said ‘MaMa’. But here is the funny thing – you now call solid food (and milk) “Mama” – which if you think about it makes sense since I was your prime source of any and all food for the first year of your life. It still hits me in waves at what a proud accomplishment this is for me. Not to toot my own horn but to nurse for an entire year is kind of an insanely cool accomplishment. Reminder – this was not by choice. I was not trying to be hippie cool alternative Mom. If you recall you refused the bottle. Who thought the end result would result in “Mama” being anything from a hard boiled egg to a small bowl of cottage cheese?

SO BIG: Two significant and strong amazing women in your life have given you toys for your birthday that involve batteries. All I know is I must have done something very bad in a former life to deserve this. Ha. The first is from Grandma – a cell phone that you hold up to your ear (which ok is pretty cute) and an electronic voice says HELLO…GOODBYE over and over again. I told Grandma I plan to call her up one morning extra early and just play it on loop for her. The other is a flashing singing speaking stuffed animal dog from your babysitter that is actually very sweet despite it’s cardiac inducing tricks. On one of the many loops it says SO BIG and today when it screamed it I watched you raise your hands in the air to show how big you are. You sure are getting big.

Tonight we read an alphabet book with pictures. When we got to F for feet you looked at my foot. Then you stuck out your foot and pointed. I took your shoes and socks off and after looking down at them you looked up and smiled. Then you pulled on your other sock and shoe until I did the same thing.

I’m so glad one of us is becoming smarter while I still struggle to remember why I walked into the kitchen (three times in a row), get dressed without a bra and/or forget the names of basic things on a regular basis and still say stupid things to your father when I’m tired like, “can you get me the plastic thing…round…you put liquid in…to feed our child?”

Dad: A cup???!!

M: Yes a cup. A cup.

Peanut

Nutski

Pean

Daught

Peanzy

Bird

LBird

…just a few nicknames for the girl we love. Tomorrow is your birthday little one. I was preparing to write a super emo entry but I have to be honest. It hasn’t come to me yet. It’s sort of like when I went to spend my junior year abroad in London and everyone older that I knew took me aside and said, “When you return…you will be a changed…woman”.

I waited. And waited. And…waited. I didn’t feel changed there or even when I came back really. Mostly because at the time I was really living in the moment. I have to say – the same ring trues tonight as your mother.

We had another good day together but boy are you a handful! You want to GO GO GO and you FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT sleep. You hate sleep. Scream and yell and twist and turn and throw things out of your crib and backbend, etc. I wish you were like me. Someone who LOVES SLEEP. I love my bed and my cozy comforter. I love sprawling out and relaxing. Maybe one day I can turn you over to the dark side although judging by your father’s night owl tendencies this might not happen.

Stay tuned for the emo blog post but for now little one – my cute little darling – I love you. Sweet dreams. Embrace your sleep. See you tomorrow when you are our little toddler. We love you.

xo

Dear Lili,

Last night around 5PM it was already pitch dark outside. I decided to take you for a walk to the grocery store in the Ergo carrier to kill time before our bath. It was cold and rainy and somewhat unpleasant weather wise but we marched forth.

People ask me sometimes what the actual feeling of having a kid is like and last night I can only describe it as this: as we walked up Smith Street you twisted your little head left and right and leaned way back in the carrier to look up at all the various Christmas lights we passed in shop windows. With each decoration we passed you let out an almost whisper of amazement, a long, slow “WOOOOOW” as if every light was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

Instead of rushing my way to the grocery store in the freezing cold I stopped at your every ‘WOW’. I took in the lights with you and echoed your “WOW” with as much amazement as I could muster as your tired but happy mother.

As we neared home I let you pause and point for one final hurrah – your tiny pointed finger and big eyes looked up at the “WING HAU” take out delivery sign from a local Chinese restaurant.

“WOOOOOOOW” you said as if you had come across the total goldmine of wonder.

“WOOOOOOOW” I echoed. I believed you.

Dear Lilian,

Stuff before I forget – the Saturday after Thanksgiving we were at my parents house and you and Dad were in my old room. Dad let go of you for a second while you were leaning against him and you stood on your own for a few seconds for the first time. Go you and your tiny chunky adorable legs!

Today you did this same trick twice again taking two forms – once you pulled yourself up off the ground, leaned against me and then let go standing there on your own. You did it as if it were second nature and then when you saw my reaction you sat down quickly. Then again a few minutes later you leaned against a suitcase on the floor across the room, pulled yourself up to standing and let go for a few seconds. So proud of you Lilis.

Lastly – your babysitter three days a week is from Mexico. She speaks Spanish to you all day non-stop. Dad and I throw in Spanish here and there when we can (all 10 words I know) hoping you’ll learn both words for items. We have tons of books in Spanish and English hoping some of this will stick so you can teach us to speak. Just the other day I asked your babysitter if she thought you understood Spanish and she said she wasn’t sure yet. Anyway, tonight I was reading you a bunch of books and when I closed one book I said, “Adios!” and you paused, looked and me and waved bye bye without my prompting. Yay!

xo

Last night when I put you to sleep you were crying on and off here and there throughout the night. You like to sleep on your stomach but seemed to be tossing and turning. I attempted to play hardball (my version) but it was a long night.

When I finally threw in the towel at 6AM and changed your diaper I unzipped your pjs and there was a giant plastic tub toy shark zipped inside your pajama leg. It was the same one you were playing with on your changing table when bleary eyed I got you ready for bed and apparently hadn’t noticed it missing. Oops.

My fault babe. Tonight out of sympathy I asked your Dad to stuff a part of the vacuum cleaner extension in my yoga pants while I sleep. Hopefully we can call it even.

Love ya.