Dear Lili,
One day I will have to confess to you many things about my life.
Some of them unwillingly about my shady past. Ok – not that shady – but still. One of those things will be the time I had to leave you behind with the babysitter to work on a reality TV show about a rap artist that fathered six children. Sue me.
Starting next week I will leave your with the babysitter all day from 9:30AM-5:30PM for three days a week for a select amount of days (not permanently) – but still. This will be the first time I’ve really truly left you in our ten months together without at least seeing you once during the day. It will be hard. I know – I’m a wuss.
I’m sure I will get little sympathy from full-time, hard working Moms out there considering I will still have you all day for two days a week. I’ve just been so spoiled to be able to work locally in Brooklyn until now and this job will bring me into Manhattan every day for three days a week. Not a biggie. By train we will be 1/2 hour from one another. Worst case the babysitter can bring you in to see me which I feel grateful for.
In the past accepting a freelance job like this would seem like no big deal. Now things are so much different! It means stocking up on food at home to be sure I leave you enough for the day, preparing some meals in advance so I am not cooking every day, pumping milk in advance to leave you some with the babysitter despite that being hard now that my milk supply is so low (barely enough to nurse you as is) and bringing the ‘old travel pump to work (ew) excusing myself every two hours or so from the job – a reality so many women deal with every day but I have really yet to. And rushing out to be home on time to pick you up – another scary achievement considering the line of work I am in often working to the 11th hour on last minutes changes on things.
Bottom line is Lili – I can only do my best. And Mama’s gotta make some coin if you, Dad and I plan to live in our gangsta’s paradise. You know – a bowling alley in the basement for you, a private movie theater for me and Dad’s collection of vintage cars.
Forgive me.
xo
I’m not a mom, I don’t know what to say, but I had to comment to tell you how amazing is the photo of you, lili and your mother. * Good luck with the job!