KDUNK

Dear Lili,

I wish I was calm, cool and collected when it comes to you being sick. But I’m afraid I’m not. So here is my honest confession…

Over the last few days you’ve had more or less your first real cold. A hacking cough, a low-grade fever, stuffy nose and a brief phase of barfing in the middle of the night. The only thing about a common miserable cold with a baby however is that there is virtually nothing you can do about it. This is basic logic. Many people understand this logic in very black and white terms. Duh. Kids get colds. They will be fine. Babies can’t take medicine. It’s that simple. No biggie, right? I wish it were that easy for me as your Mom. But it isn’t.

When I was sick – older sure – I remember my Mom being calm, cool, collected. We were sometimes allowed to watch TV. Given a new book to read in bed. Given a cool washcloth if we had a fever. Given snacks and drinks to make us well.

With a baby it is not that easy. They can’t tell you what exactly is wrong. You can’t really tell the degree to which they are ‘suffering’. I find this overwhelming at times. Like I’m boating in the dark without oars. I want someone to tell me which way to turn, what exactly is going on with my kid and most importantly how to provide them some relief and/or fix it.

Take for example last night in the middle of the night I awoke to the sound of you hacking away until you made a choking sound. I ran in and picked you up out of bed. You were making a very, very unpleasant pinched wheezing sound not unlike the sound of someone actually choking on a piece of something. I freaked out and flicked on the light. Your face was bright red, the horrible sound continued – the sound like an old man in a restaurant choking on a piece of fried chicken – and then you coughed furiously until you more or less barfed up a ball of mucus (sorry to be gross) in addition to your dinner. My arm was covered. The floor was covered. And instead of dealing calmly I clutched you tightly and yelled at top volume for your father screaming his name three times in a row until he ran down the hall in a panic from a deep sleep.

I don’t know what comes over me in such situations. I just completely and totally panic. Until I became a parent did I realize how totally frantic I am about stuff like this. I guess instead of beating myself up about it I’m just trying to the best I can but sheeeeeessssshhhh. Can’t I just chill? A little? Believe me when I tell you that I get that this is just the start of a long, long road to sickness just having a kid!

Tonight I decided to take action. Before bed I strolled you over to the Health Food store. After combing the aisles I was able to find exactly what I was more or less looking for – that my favorite brand of natural baby products ‘California Baby’ makes a bubble bath for Cold & Flu. The bubble bath is full of natural herbs like eucalyptus oils to remedy stuffiness. I bought it. We went home.

In the bathroom I sat you on my lap and let you play with a rubber duck. I ran the water and let the bathroom get hot and steamy as the doctor suggested. I poured the bubble bath in the water and let the smell of the calming eucalyptus fill the room. The bubble bath even came with a bubble wand so we blew some bubbles and sang some songs while the water cooled down a bit before I put you in. I can honestly say for the first time in two days you seemed to breath a little better. More importantly – so did I.