KDUNK

About three years ago I called my friend with twins. I was kid-less at the time. I called mid-day (prob some inconvenient hour) munching on my sushi lunch from my work desk. I called to discuss how distraught I was about my new haircut.

I then launched into big picture thoughts about my career and what path I possibly wanted to follow next. I finished the conversation by telling her I needed to go soon because I had an early yoga class after work but needed to return a new dress I bought (too big) first so had to run. Today and only today…did it strike me as to how totally… annoying I must have been to talk to.

If my friend at the time was anything like me now – I would be…

-starving because I hadn’t had time to feed myself all day much less sushi

-hadn’t had a haircut in MONTHS – bangs hanging into eyes – any haircut would be welcome

-career? what’s that?

-yoga? does playing flying airplane with a baby count?

-clothes too big? um…currently they can’t be big enough

My friends that had kids before me have ALWAYS taken my calls. Even though they had kids they were still my girls – the ones that were there for me through thick and thin. But now that I am on the other side I see WHY they took my calls. Because people with no kids are totally self absorbed and are totally interesting and fascinating to talk to and provide amazing free entertainment. How do I know? Because I was one of them.

You think I am being mean. I actually am not. I sincerely mean this. I sincerely mean it when I tell you to sit on the phone and listen to a gal pal talk about shoe shopping or a recent date or a great new indie film she caught the other night is better than porn. My life is so boring and dull in social life comparison. The time I used to spend HOURS debating if I should take a spin class on Friday nights or a yoga class on Thursday nights is now used to do a load of wash, send three emails, download pix to send to the grandparents, return one phone call in silence without a kid screaming in background, scoop up tiny socks strewn about the house and maybe if I have time pee because often I’ve been meaning to pee for hours but frankly…just don’t have time.

Looking back the best thing and the wisest thing and the absolutely most spot on thing my friend with twins said to me at the time was this:

Well…I have some good news for you. NONE…none of this matters when you have a kid. Why? You have no time…at all…whatsoever…ever…to think about any of this.

And thank god. Phew. What a relief!

She was TOTALLY right.