KDUNK

Lili,

Every Tuesday at 10:30AM you and I attend a free class at the Brooklyn library called “Babies & Books”. And it is quite a scene – let me tell you.

The first time I even heard about it was when I was originally going to the library to check out Jhumpa Lahiri’s new book despite the fact I get to read one page ever seven days. I was in the check out line and had you propped up on the counter digging in my purse for my library card when the woman asked me if I knew about the Babies & Books program. We’ve been going ever since.

As most of the kid classes are that I attend during the week for you/us – the room is often filled with nannies and kids. The children’s librarian is a sweet and enthusiastic woman and despite the wide range of ages of the kids she somehow manages to wrangle them for their full attention which I find impressive.

There are books read and bubbles blown and songs sang. One of your favorite songs is about books:

The more we read together…together…together

The more we read together the happier we’ll be

Because MY books are YOUR books and YOUR books are MY books

The more read together the happier we’ll be..

Books especially have always been such an important part of my life ever since I was a child. I poured through books and my parents would find me late at night reading under the covers with a tiny book light. By the age of seven I was rating my books with stars as to their appeal and even now I find it amusing to look at some of my books from childhood and turn to the back page and see what rating I have given it:

5 stars (and a drawing of stars)

2:30AM (time I finished book)

Kristen Duncan Williams (signature)

For whatever reason there is always one point in the library program we attend where my eyes fill with tears and I get a little choked up. I think at times it still hits me how lucky I am to have you here Lili. Feel your squishy little chunky legs in my hands and squeeze you tightly.

On Thursdays and Fridays you are with Super Nanny and I have started to bring my laptop to the library to write. It is a beautiful, old place with huge windows and lots of sunlight. Currently I am pouring through a collection of essays I have written over the years and am trying to refine. Lately the project has made me feel creatively alive again. Celebrating the “non-mom” part of me that I need to cling to at times to remind me of my whole being. Something I need to do for myself and you and Dad in order to be myself again while I am with all of you. It’s been a while.

A friend of mine used to be in a pop punk band. Her songs were never too angry, dark or full of too much rage but definitely had an edge. She said something that has stuck with me since about how she ditched her old guy, quit her job, fell in love and moved to Paris and was left all happy and lovey dovey with nothing more to be angry, emotionally distraught and what she thought at the time…creative about. I can relate.

Now what?