KDUNK

Dearest Lili baby,

This is far from a witty blog entry and more just a quick note of something funny you did today that in the end most likely won’t translate into words but oh well. Super Nanny brought you home from a long and fun day together. I fed you. You finished eating. And when I sat you back up and was talking to Super Nanny thanking her for everything, etc. you put your face really, really close to mine – nose to nose and just literally started to belly laugh.

At first Super Nanny and I just giggled because your belly laugh is totally contagious. But then I started talking again but was interrupted by you nuzzling your face into mine again until our noses touched and we looked eye to eye which again set you into total hysterics. Then me hysterics. Then Super Nanny hysterics.

I don’t know how to quite explain it but what you were doing was making your own joke which you initiated and not just responding to something funny I was doing. This is a very cute and grown up thing to do. Very kid like. Not very baby like. I don’t know. I just couldn’t believe it. You are becoming your own little funny personality. I love it. And you.

I love you.

xo

Dear Lili,

Here are a list of things you do as of late:

-Peek-A-Boo: apparently this is the world’s most fun game. To you. To me and Dad it looks like you are trying to smother yourself with burp cloths, blankets, jackets, pajamas and just about anything you can get your hands on to hide behind on a regular basis. It is pretty adorable though I have to say. Especially since this week you really seemed to ‘get it’. When I hide behind something and say ‘Where’s Mommy?’and whip it off saying ‘Peek-A -Boo’you laugh like there is no tomorrow. It’s also pretty cute when you attempt to do this. You grab a piece of cloth and sort of half cover your face and leave it sitting there a little too long and then whip it off like a spaz with two hands and laugh and laugh and laugh. I pretend to be surprised every time. Kind of like after a long day when your Dad says, “I need a beer” and I go, “Oh, really? Huh…”

-Wanting to Walk – I have heard of these kids that get too frustrated with crawling and just skip it all together and go straight to walking. This kind of spooks me out. Imagine I sit here typing this and out of the corner of my eye you little Lili just cruise by the kitchen saying, “Hey Mom, what’s up?”. This might be you though. You hate crawling and get very, very frustrated. But when I stand you up on your own two feet and hold your arms you actually move your little feet one by one like Frankenstein taking his first steps and grunting the whole way. But you like it. You focus on something to walk towards like a mirror and when you finally make it you pant and laugh and smile.

-Hate the Bottle Still – yup – boy is this topic a big snore. Well tomorrow I head to the city for the first time leaving you with the nanny in Brooklyn so….good luck with that one! Now or never kid.

-Grab – do you know that game at a carnival – a glass box of stuffed animals and you put a quarter in and a big claw comes down and reaches for a stuffed animal? That is you Lili. You are the walking claw game. Wherever I am these days – a store, someone’s house, the park, at home, etc. you reach your little claws out and manage to grab the most random things without my notice – a hanger, a wooden spoon from the shelf, a fistful of leaves, a plastic bag, etc. I have to keep my eye on you! Or train you to steal better things. Either one.

-Storytelling – recently we went on a family car trip. I didn’t have your favorite book ‘Knuffle Bunny’so having read it ten million times to you I recited it by memory using the same tones of voice in certain parts and your eyes got wide and your gasped a tiny gasp with excitement. You wouldn’t take your eyes off of me and thought it was SO COOL that Knuffle Bunny could be read here – here in the car even though the actual book was home – fifty times in a row! Dad the driver? Did not find it as cool. (although was impressed with my memory)

-Stroller – about 90% of the time now you must have the stroller in the most upright position possible otherwise you sit there doing what looks like a forward stomach crunch block after block after block until I adjust it. You don’t want to miss a thing.

-Silent – go totally silent – even mid-scream – when I talk on my cell phone and open your eyes wide and listen. I will do the same thing once boys start calling you – just you wait.

-Dad’s Lap – are not happier than when you are on your Dad’s lap. This is usually cashed in on a Saturday when you two love to sit quietly and watch European soccer together. I agree – those Italian soccer players are pretty hot.

We love you

xo

Move over Marty Markowitz!

There’s a new mayor in town and her name is Lilian Birdie Shepard!

Lili – I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how many people you smiled at today. I can honestly say it was close to 35. I’m talking a full grin from ear to ear revealing your two bottom front teeth, arms and legs flapping with happiness, a little laugh with each person you encountered and bright shining eyes with long lashes blinking. Oh – and the little ponytail with yellow bow I put on top of your head like Pebbles. You were like a cartoon drawing of a baby come to life.

An older Dominican grandmother blew you kisses and said, “She is like a little doll!”. A girl wearing gold hoop earrings and a bedazzled “I love Hip Hop” T-shirt said, “How you doing beautiful?” A woman in blue running shorts wearing an ipod bent down at the corner and tickled your bare feet saying, “So nice to have bare tootsies on a hot day now isn’t it?” An older man with sailor tattoos said, “Those eyes! God bless you. Such a happy baby.” A mother with a little girl stopped and backed up to see you because the young girl said, “Mommy! Look at the cute baby’s bow!” Two women in burqas pointed and smiled at you with their eyes. A teenage kid on a skateboard waved to you. A bald Jamaican elevator repair man asked your name and said, “Bye little baby!”. And these were only a handful of those happy faces.

Because I was strolling you from behind each time someone engaged with you I had to peek down in front and see what you were doing. When I looked down there I would see you – giant happy cooing baby of the year face in full glory.

Thank you for being my little smiling daughter Lilian. Making friends wherever you go. You bring a smile to my face as a result. Even pre-caffeine.

Should you run for mayor you have my vote.

I love you.

xo

Lili,

Dad had a good idea of how we can make a little money off you.

We noticed last night that wherever we go you literally have the eyes of everyone in the room. Old people, young people, happy people, grumpy people. You laugh and smile at them with your wide eyes, little tuft of hair with a bow and two tiny teeth and giant grin. You are like an animated character of a baby. People are drawn to you.

Dad says when you start doing this that perhaps he and I can learn to pickpocket the room.

Hey – we need to start saving for college, ok?

xo

Dear Lili,

I am you mother. I watch you three days a week and work freelance two. Sometimes on the three days I sneak in work when you are sleeping but if a camera were on us when this was going down it might make for an entertaining reality show because the scene is comedy. Just comedy. Let me break it down for you.

Today a favorite client asked if I had time to send in some brainstorm ideas. I was excited. To use my brain. But today is one of the days I have you full-time. The ideas had to be in by 12noon so this is how the day went leading up to it just to give you some perspective:

-you woke up and needed to be fed, changed, burped, toys gathered, diaper & food bag packed for later

-I jumped in shower putting you in car seat in bathroom giving you a plastic bowl to play with

-got dressed by bringing car seat into bedroom where your Dad was sleeping. you began shrieking over and over again like a parrot on drugs – a new sound you have created and enjoy trying out at early hours in the morning. SHRIEK…pause….SHRIEK…pause, etc.

-half-naked I attempted to email myself my brainstorming documents should by the miracle of god you fall asleep in the stroller I could then do some work at the library on the computers there

-as I am rushing to email myself these documents you continue crazy volume ten crazy parrot noise. Somehow it is getting louder. A sound that could break glass. A sound – as Dad points out – not good for the library – sigh

-finally get you out door and downstairs but after put you in stroller and strap on all the other crap to back of stroller – food bag, diaper bag, my bag, etc. the stroller literally tips back in slow motion until your feet are in the air. I momentarily freak out but you are fine. sigh.

-get outside and realize it’s about to pour. run up flight of steps to gather your stroller rain cover. finally out door once again

-stroll at full speed to coffee shop for much needed caffeine and breakfast hoping you will fall asleep for morning nap. I pull your sunshade down completely over the stroller hoping this will help. But no. Moment I stroll into coffee shop the crazy parrot shrieking begins again but this time for an audience of non-caffeinated Brooklyn people waiting on line and wondering who is blending a dying parrot in the back

-dash out of coffee shop full of burning angry eyes – stroll quickly to library. thanks to sun shade it appears the crazy parrot is asleep in its cage

-get off elevators inside and dash to computer. furiously begin typing up brainstorm ideas switching gears as best as I can. Typing with one hand while strolling crazy parrot back and forth with the other hand

-doing best to concentrate although in cube next to me a teen is watching YOU TUBE videos with no headphones

-knowing crazy parrot only sleeps 20 minutes – at 17 minutes I begin to save my document and am forced to add a note at bottom that appears as if all of the sudden I had lost my mind or perhaps a hand and could only type in cryptic caps. note reads: NO MORE TIME. HAVE MORE IDEAS. CALL ON CELL. NOT SPELL CHECKED. FORGIVE ERRORS

-about to push send but parrot SHRIEKS -apparently up – but can’t spend one more nano second in the stroller. pick up parrot. parrot smashes both fists down on keyboard adding ZZXXV&*##$^%&^*^& somehow to various parts of my brainstorm document. Sigh. Entertain parrot with one hand by shaking a rattle with her on my lap – with other hand erase errors as best as I can. clock reads 11:59

-send the email. feel like total jerk lame-o

-All of the sudden smell something horrible – pick up parrot off lap only to find worlds largest dump ever leaking out sides of parrot pants and on to my pink skirt

-skirt and hand now covered in poop – stroll to elevators and proceed to clean her up in library bathroom

-crazy parrot in bathroom twists poop covered body in all directions as I attempt to clean her up on changing table. begins to eat strap off of public restroom changing table. I almost don’t care

-cleaned up and ready to head out but crazy parrots shrieks and flails arms and legs and we have to stroll immediately over to the children’s books section of library where there are tiny chairs and do a feeding. perhaps I can just live here – at the library. At least there is AC

-We finally go home

THE END

Dear Lili,

This week you started solid foods. For whatever reason I was really, really looking forward to this. I guess for a stay at home Mom it adds another fun thing I can do with you several times during the day. It also fits my anal personality to totally and completely get into preparing things WAY IN ADVANCE – aka – your food – buying fresh ingredients, cooking things, blending things, mixing things, freezing things, etc.

Just the other night I couldn’t sleep. It was 4AM so I hit the kitchen. On the stove I steamed some corn cobs, in the blender I mashed up fruit and in the rice cooker I had some sweet potatoes. I can hear the snickers from well seasoned parents out there – making your own baby food – pft. See how long that lasts. I know I know. I’m guessing this stage is similar to one …lets say in the early courtship of a lovey dovey relationship. Making fresh pasta dough from scratch on a week night because it is ‘fun’. Regardless – I’m loving it.

So far I’ve also experimented with jarred foods. All together you have eaten: rice cereal (with breastmilk), pears, sweet potatoes, carrots, prunes and oatmeal. Oh – and bananas which you HATED. You gagged and spit it out and looked at me if I’d just feed you rotten eggs. I didn’t take it personally seeing as it was only when I was pregnant did I take to really liking them myself.

Although, I must admit I was worried about feeding you certain foods because of my family history with food allergies. When I was a baby my mother said I was allergic to tomatoes and had an intolerance to dairy, wheat and peanut butter. When my younger sister was born though she was allergic to tons of things: dairy/eggs, goats milk, wheat, corn syrup (found in most soy products at the time), corn, nuts, citrus. Her allergies were so severe that when I kissed her cheek after eating a milk product she would break out in tons of hives. Or when we cut a piece of cheese using one knife we then had to put it in the sink immediately so as not to use the same knife to cut something my sister might eat or her throat would close and she would have trouble breathing. To this day I still pause when I’m cutting something in my kitchen that she was allergic to tempted to change knives immediately.

I give my mother tons of credit for dealing as well as she did with food allergies and her baby back then in the 80′s. There were not things such as Whole Foods and giant aisles of most grocery stores packed with food alternatives for people with food allergies much less kids with them. My mother used to order wholesale shipments of rice bread from Seattle and store the loaves in various friends freezers in the neighborhood. She found clever ways to give my sister the closest possible version of what other kids were eating at the time – popcorn (toasted rice cakes crumpled with soy butter), ice cream (frozen pear juice pops), etc. Not only that but she constantly had to deal with comments from tons and tons of people wherever she went telling her to ‘relax’and stop being ‘so uptight’– just give the kid some ice cream. Sure ok. Then do you plan to be with our family in the ER at 3AM when her throat closes? Because that is where you would find us often.

Mom befriend a Vietnamese friend in the next town over. The woman taught her how to make rice noodles and delicious and clever things my sister could have. And soon our normal cupboards full of typical American foods such as Ritz crackers were replaced by seaweed crackers, butter was replaced by soy butter, peanuts replaced with soy nuts, etc. I remember high school friends after school would stop off at different kids houses on a rotating basis to empty the fridge and cupboards full of junk food. Lets just say our house was never on the list.

I’m thankful for eating as well as I did back then. And now that I’m a mother myself I am even more inspired by the clever ways my mother tackled food back then – to feed her kid.

Dear Hubs,

A Father’s Day tribute…from the archives.

As you may recall this photo was taken a few minutes after our daughter was born. At the time I wanted to be one of those badass women that takes a photo of her own baby being born (minus the gross parts). Wasn’t happening. It didn’t matter in the end because this photo was my favorite of all and the video of this same moment – you talking to our baby girl for the first time – forget it. I can’t watch the video without 75 tissues at hand.

Even though the photo is still and non-moving I bet others can tell what a moving moment this was. Our daughter was born. You became a father. The hustle and bustle of the room had finally turned from doctors and nurses and tubes and STUFF to the quiet sounds of our little daughter making her snorts and squeaks. We were finally a family.

And Christ – sorry about the socks. Remember those? Neon orange socks from the dollar store? I’m surprised the doc was even able to birth Lilian and was not blinded by the mere sight of them. But they were so warm on those cold hospital floors. And those cinder block swollen feet that you rubbed for months – I thank you.

I thank you for all of it. For your amazing ability to love our daughter the way I love her. And you.

We love you.
Happy Father’s Day.
Hap-py

xo wife

About three years ago I called my friend with twins. I was kid-less at the time. I called mid-day (prob some inconvenient hour) munching on my sushi lunch from my work desk. I called to discuss how distraught I was about my new haircut.

I then launched into big picture thoughts about my career and what path I possibly wanted to follow next. I finished the conversation by telling her I needed to go soon because I had an early yoga class after work but needed to return a new dress I bought (too big) first so had to run. Today and only today…did it strike me as to how totally… annoying I must have been to talk to.

If my friend at the time was anything like me now – I would be…

-starving because I hadn’t had time to feed myself all day much less sushi

-hadn’t had a haircut in MONTHS – bangs hanging into eyes – any haircut would be welcome

-career? what’s that?

-yoga? does playing flying airplane with a baby count?

-clothes too big? um…currently they can’t be big enough

My friends that had kids before me have ALWAYS taken my calls. Even though they had kids they were still my girls – the ones that were there for me through thick and thin. But now that I am on the other side I see WHY they took my calls. Because people with no kids are totally self absorbed and are totally interesting and fascinating to talk to and provide amazing free entertainment. How do I know? Because I was one of them.

You think I am being mean. I actually am not. I sincerely mean this. I sincerely mean it when I tell you to sit on the phone and listen to a gal pal talk about shoe shopping or a recent date or a great new indie film she caught the other night is better than porn. My life is so boring and dull in social life comparison. The time I used to spend HOURS debating if I should take a spin class on Friday nights or a yoga class on Thursday nights is now used to do a load of wash, send three emails, download pix to send to the grandparents, return one phone call in silence without a kid screaming in background, scoop up tiny socks strewn about the house and maybe if I have time pee because often I’ve been meaning to pee for hours but frankly…just don’t have time.

Looking back the best thing and the wisest thing and the absolutely most spot on thing my friend with twins said to me at the time was this:

Well…I have some good news for you. NONE…none of this matters when you have a kid. Why? You have no time…at all…whatsoever…ever…to think about any of this.

And thank god. Phew. What a relief!

She was TOTALLY right.

Lili,

Every Tuesday at 10:30AM you and I attend a free class at the Brooklyn library called “Babies & Books”. And it is quite a scene – let me tell you.

The first time I even heard about it was when I was originally going to the library to check out Jhumpa Lahiri’s new book despite the fact I get to read one page ever seven days. I was in the check out line and had you propped up on the counter digging in my purse for my library card when the woman asked me if I knew about the Babies & Books program. We’ve been going ever since.

As most of the kid classes are that I attend during the week for you/us – the room is often filled with nannies and kids. The children’s librarian is a sweet and enthusiastic woman and despite the wide range of ages of the kids she somehow manages to wrangle them for their full attention which I find impressive.

There are books read and bubbles blown and songs sang. One of your favorite songs is about books:

The more we read together…together…together

The more we read together the happier we’ll be

Because MY books are YOUR books and YOUR books are MY books

The more read together the happier we’ll be..

Books especially have always been such an important part of my life ever since I was a child. I poured through books and my parents would find me late at night reading under the covers with a tiny book light. By the age of seven I was rating my books with stars as to their appeal and even now I find it amusing to look at some of my books from childhood and turn to the back page and see what rating I have given it:

5 stars (and a drawing of stars)

2:30AM (time I finished book)

Kristen Duncan Williams (signature)

For whatever reason there is always one point in the library program we attend where my eyes fill with tears and I get a little choked up. I think at times it still hits me how lucky I am to have you here Lili. Feel your squishy little chunky legs in my hands and squeeze you tightly.

On Thursdays and Fridays you are with Super Nanny and I have started to bring my laptop to the library to write. It is a beautiful, old place with huge windows and lots of sunlight. Currently I am pouring through a collection of essays I have written over the years and am trying to refine. Lately the project has made me feel creatively alive again. Celebrating the “non-mom” part of me that I need to cling to at times to remind me of my whole being. Something I need to do for myself and you and Dad in order to be myself again while I am with all of you. It’s been a while.

A friend of mine used to be in a pop punk band. Her songs were never too angry, dark or full of too much rage but definitely had an edge. She said something that has stuck with me since about how she ditched her old guy, quit her job, fell in love and moved to Paris and was left all happy and lovey dovey with nothing more to be angry, emotionally distraught and what she thought at the time…creative about. I can relate.

Now what?

Yesterday morning – quite early – we got a knock on the door. I wasn’t convinced it was a knock since the AC was blasting and Lili you were crying. So I ignored it. Soon after I got a cell phone message from Super Nanny – it was her day off,

“Hola Kristen, I left you some tamales at your door. Adios. Hasta luego.”

I opened the door to find a white plastic bag hanging from the knob. Inside the bag were four perfectly delicious tamales wrapped neatly with corn husk ties. Needless to say it was great timing for breakfast.

I speed dialed her back and in my toddler Spanish said,

“Hola! Gracias por los tamales. Muy bien! Hasta luego.”

I feel like a total tool when I attempt to speak Spanish. I also get nervous and my stomach is in knots because I feel like a total idiot. I suppose this is the first step to learning. Super Nanny is good because she plunges forth and talks to me in Spanish regardless. It’s the only way I will learn.

Last week Super Nanny spotted some avocados I had in a white bowl on the kitchen counter. She held them up – one in each hand – and looked down at them thoughtfully as if she were staring into a magic eight ball game.

“These will be ready on Sunday. Get some jalapeños and I’ll show you how to make guacamole”

It was a simple recipe but I followed her exact direction and can I say? It was sooooooo good.

Before we know it Lili you will be speaking fluent Spanish. Then you will ask Super Nanny to teach you how to say things like, “Why can’t my mommy cook as good as you?”

Today we attended a rummage sale in a Brooklyn school yard. It was about 10,000 degrees out. The actress Lili Taylor was there – seemingly unshowered and blending in with her cute baby girl strapped to her chest in a Bjorn. She picked up a baby girl dress the woman was selling,

L: How much?

W: $5

L: Really? Only $5?

(pause)

L: How about $3?

W: (pause) No. $5

Lets hope she does not negotiate her own movie contracts.

Dear Baby Girl,

Today you are 6 months old! Dad remembered first. He said, “Wait…what is today…” We looked on the calendar and sure enough. You are 6 months old today. We can hardly believe it.

If you wondered how we reacted once we realized it we gasped and cheered. We three were all sitting on the couch in the living room. It was about 8AM. Sesame Street was on TV. You were in a bouncy chair. We broke into song singing ‘Happy half month birthday to you…” and then we clapped and cheered some more. You look excited. Then there was a quiet pause. Your Dad turned to me and said, “Hi five.” We slapped hands. We did it. We raised a human. For six months. Neither one of us has done this before. Quite an accomplishment if I do say so myself.

Lili baby…sometimes I don’t remember life without you. When I sit down and think about it life before was beautiful and amazing in its own ways – especially the years alone with your Dad that I will always love and cherish. But there were also big gaps. Holes. Quiet chunks of time that in the worst most tornado storm moments of parenthood I sometimes long for but never truly miss. Life before you especially around the holidays for me was so lonely. No sense of living for someone else’s sake and survival. Thank you for giving this to me. Us.

We love you.

xo

Lilster. Whaz up.

See – that is the way your Dad and I will talk when your dates come to the door so we scare them away and you will be trapped and forced to hang out with us instead on a Friday night as we play Racko and drink Blueberry wine coolers.

No really.

In other news big stuff to update you on:

First Family Sleepover: well…sort of. This was your second. But this was in our little shack on Fire Island that we rent with friends for the summer. Thank god you are still tiny unlike when I was a small girl and my parents rented a place but it was a cabin in the woods of Maine and I thought they were ruining my life. We had a fab time over Memorial Day. You slept in a portable crib next to the bed and when the sun rose we peeked down over the bed and saw your smiling happy face beaming up at us. We picked you up and you got in the big bed. We read a Richard Scary book Dad found in a give away pile by the ferry boat. We walked downtown and got ice cream. I showed you the Bay. We stuck your feet in the sand for the very first time and you liked it. You even took a nap on the beach wrapped in 75 towels (it was cold and I had no fleece). I didn’t think the nap would happen seeing as it was such a strange new place for you. That and the fact that a couple decided to pick up a competitive  and apparently miked game of Prokadima made of oh…I don’t know…rocks…about an inch from your face as you attempted to sleep:

CLACK

CLUCK

CLACK

CLUCK

Thankfully it didn’t stop you.

New bedtime 8:30: You used to go to bed at 7PM. That is now a long and distant memory. Right now as I type this it is 8:01PM. Only 29 minutes to go (we hope). For whatever reason this is the time you want to sleep now so hey – we’re going with it.

Sleeping on side: You now sleep on your side like an adult. It’s funny to walk in and see a sleeping baby sleeping like an adult. One night I found you on your belly with ear to the mattress. It’s how I sleep. Sleep sounds good. My eyes are heavy as I type the word sleep. I’d better stop writing about this whole sleep thing or I’ll….zzzzzzzzzzz

Milk In A Cup Is Hilarious: you still hate the bottle. as in…Super Nanny who you took THREE WHOLE bottles from on your first day with can no longer give it to you. You refuse. The other day she and I poured milk in a plastic cup and you gripped a hand on each side and guzzled milk and then would SIGH and pant and then crack up with milk all over your face and bib and then take another sip and do the same thing. It was like a comedy act. An entirely too long comedy act as in…if this milk were in a bottle we would be done by now…but instead we patiently let you take your time. Next time I may bring out the cane and pull you offstage. I am practicing a Sippy cup with you but all you do is chew it and don’t know how to raise it up so it pours down your throat. I sometimes feel like I am programming a robot and testing it out and rewiring you after each experiment. Hopefully that does not sound creepy. Small Wonder.

Manicure Please: every since you were a tiny tiny baby you loved when we file your nails which is exactly what a baby should not like which I find funny. Now you are TOTALLY into it and when you see the nail file you spread your fingers out in a fan and as I file each finger you totally crack up and smile like, “Dude…this whole slave to a baby thing is only getting so much better!” What next…an eyebrow wax?

World’s Cutest Baby: when we are out in public and I free you from your stroller – note the word free – you are the happiest baby in town. You cry cry cry in your stroller and then when I pick you up instantly you are like a prisoner released on bail and you are laughing and smiling and making friend with everyone around you totally putting on the charm. I think you would high five people if you could. Really. Yesterday you flashed a huge gummy to a man with a gold tooth standing on the corner with a meat slicer. You have no enemies. I admire this.

Dad or Bust: I remember feeling like this with my Dad but anytime you are with him you look so happy. Sometimes he will hold you and you will turn your head over to me and look at me and smile and just have that look as in, “Yeah…that’s right. He loves me” and it is cute and adorable. Now give him back.

Swing: you still love the swing in the park crowded with 55 kids per square inch. The place is a madhouse but it is still fun to bring you there. You do this cute thing which is hang your elbow and hand off the side of the swing and yawn as in, “Yeah…I do this all the time” Today they had the sprinklers on and I watched the little ones run in and out of the water screaming. It was so Sesame Street and I got excited for you to one day do the same.

Books: you still LOVE books and we read them all the time. Mostly board books which you chew when you get bored.  Get it? Bored? Board? Ba da dum. Today we started something where I lay out the books on the floor and say, “Which book do you want to read? This one? This one? This one?” and then there is a long pause and I watch your eyes carefully look at each one until you reach a hand out and I pick the one you seem to be staring at up. You look TOTALLY shocked when I do this which makes me laugh like, “Woah…she TOTALLY read my mind…”

I love you more and more each day little one. You, Dad and I are total buddies. Thanks for this crazy ride.

xo