I call this one THE BEAST:
Today we attended a wedding shower for my cousin’s bride. It was at a fancy Westchester Yacht Club. A normally 45 minute trip took 3hrs to get there. My poor parents were in the car since 9AM. When we arrived the presents were opened in a flash and then it was time to go home. I felt like crying.
In the car Lili was STARVING. Thinking the trip would only take 45mins I attempted to time the feed. I brought a bottle ‘just in case’. Lili takes a bottle every…oh…I don’t know…month or so. She is five months old. You do the math. SHE HATES IT. I had to pull a Britney Spears and take her out of her car seat to feed her since she refused the bottle. Granted we were literally stuck and not moving in bumper to bumper traffic. But I still felt horrible. Not to mention the fact I was wearing a dress (DUH) that couldn’t be unzipped in order to feed unless I literally removed the entire dress over my head and off my body. In desperation I zipped down the side of the dress and smashed my boob through a tiny hole like I was having a GD mammogram just to get the job done. Kill me now.
When we arrived I had to change THE BEAST into her party dress. She was covered in white vomit so I removed those clothes and threw her in this dress. She was crying and squirming and giving people the evil eye the entire time. Usually my Mom the eternal optimist said, You’re right – she is a beast! And by this we meant her amount of insane energy – never ever wanting to sit still, kicking and screaming and twisting her body, putting her down she wants up, taking her up she wants down, etc. When I would pick her up the stroller would fall back due to the weight of items in the diaper bag and everything would spill out on the ground. This happened 10 times.
I missed the entire 15-20 minutes we were at the shower because I was in the bathroom feeding THE BEAST. When we came out the bride to be was surrounded in torn wrapping paper and people were heading home.
Finally when everyone left I put Lili on the floor to flail around and roll and kick and make her nice new spitting sound which sounds like a cross between a gag and a raspberry. We left her do this for 15minutes to get out her energy before getting back in the car for an hour plus ride home where she slept the entire way making her usual bedtime hour extended to later because she was finally well rested.
Welcome to parenthood.
The End
