KDUNK

Babies can be dumb. But hey – nobody cares because they are just so darn cute.

Here is the evidence:

• despite sucking on a pacifier – they will attempt furiously to shove things in their mouth such as toys, books, etc. When they can’t do this they will cry and scream and flail their arms and legs and flash you a dramatic look worthy of an Oscar and not unlike my tantrums in high school on a bad hair day as if to say, “WHY? WHY is this happening to me?????

• while nursing – babies get momentarily startled when Mom talks for like…five seconds and mid-sentence they will whip their head off the boob with milk streaming down their face totally startled and freeze there for a moment like a close up of a person in a horror film complete with bottom quivering lip and then seconds later crack a smile and look up at you breathing a sigh of relief like, “Oh phew…dude…you totally scared me…what are you doing here?”

• they learn how to take the pacifier out of their mouth and start to cry. you put it back in. they take the pacifier out and start to cry. you put it back in. (repeat this fifty seven thousand times per day)

• they talk to a coat rack – like it’s a total BFF. you watch as they laugh awkwardly and babble to the coat rack. they flap their arms at their sides like a dolphin. you feel embarrassed for them somehow as if you just witnessed the biggest nerd in school trying to make friends with the jaded teen smokers.

• when hungry – they will turn their head to the side as if a milky tit will magically appear from the sky – which it often does – but still. they will do this to a pillow, a blanket, a magazine, a friend of yours and sometimes embarrassingly enough to someone like oh…I don’t know… your Dad – their grandfather which causes everyone to have that conversation no one hopes to have, “oh ha ha – we know what she wants!” (blush)