If there is one thing I STILL can NOT get used to about being a Mom it is the fact that I am vomited on over eight times a day. For those of you without kids let me really break it down for you.
The vomit I am talking about is white, stringy, chunky mucus clumps that smell like rotten milk. When the barf comes a flowin’ it is literally like someone has poured a half gallon of rotten half and half mixed with rotten cottage cheese chunks over your neck and chest and hair and shirt and pants and hands, etc. Sometimes this happens in public which is fun.
Take today for example. I had Lili in the Bjorn and she was facing outwards. Everyone was staring at her in the store and because I’m her proud Mom I thought it was because she is just so darn cute. When we got home I looked in the mirror with her still strapped in and much to my horror I see her covered in white vomit from head to toe. She had spread it all over her face with her hands while I was shopping and didn’t know it. She looked like she had just participated in a white vomit pie eating contest. And let me tell you…she was the winner.
Babies are like old college buddies. The kind that hang out with you all day…drinking (milk) in the sun. Then on your walk home back to the dorm (apartment) they are all…clinging to your neck and more or less like, “I love you man!” (goo goo ga ga) only to seconds later spew up on you in a total vomit bath of hell.
Lili – barfing all over Mama may be gross but despite it all – I still love you man.
Wait until she gets a stomach flu and is puking everywhere and is like “HOLD ME! HOLD ME!”- while she vomits. And you’re like “Really? Hold you? How about a nice back pat?”
The white vomit pie eating contest nearly killed me. (In a good way. And a bad way.) Amazing.
Laughing WITH you – my 7yo says: “he’s making cottage cheese” – when my newborn gets to vomiting all over me. It’s really the worst smell ever – regurged (made that up?) breast milk. I often think – “I need to brush his gums or get some baby mouth wash…”
Love your writing – been reading since you were donuts? brain cells missing – can not recall the entire name :D
How I, a mother, can tell if my shirt is clean or not is by looking at the left shoulder. Oliver has outgrown puking but there’s ALWAYS something or some remnant of something in his mouth…or maybe his spit is just that viscous.
And my unasked for two cents about the crying jags – are you singing to her? Like “Lili, Old MacDonald has far more creatures on his farm than you have lung capacity” singing? I would sing the ABCs, Alouette and whatever else worked (currently Alfie by Lily Allen – this will be pulled from the repertoire when he starts understanding more) over and over and over til the crying stopped (seriously, seven times is the average low). As an added bonus, you become a better singer…..or maybe I just got used to my voice.