Dear Lili,
Today is a very, very important day for us. Today is April 9th, 2008 and today was the very day that I was due back at work full-time. Big news little one. I will not be going back.
I know I know. I can hear your screams of terror. Being stuck with me 24/7 – 7 days a week. When you are older feel free to send me the therapy bill and then I’ll send you mine and all will be well. Hopefully it won’t be mailed to the same address.
Here’s how it happened…
It was late one night. I was feeding you in your dark quiet room. All of the sudden I got lost in my thoughts about returning from maternity leave and a bizarre stream of self-questioning went through my head. What would it feel like to leave you from 8:30AM until 7:30PM with someone else? Who would this person be? Where would I find them? Then I thought of all the amazingly strong Mom friends in my life that have to do this – leave their kids and go back to work due to the nature of their jobs. Then I thought – well wait. I’m a Writer. Can’t I do this from home? No. I’d most likely go nuts. Right? Wouldn’t I? Me…the very same person who when seven months pregnant was asked how my friend’s kid’s bday party was and I said, “Ugh…too many screaming kids.”
Then I ran through a list of things you and I do in a day. What would I be missing by not being around? Then I reflected on my career and how LONG it has taken me to finally find a job I love not to mention working with people I love. Was I ready to give that up for a while? Then I thought of health insurance and wondered if your Dad could cover us? And finally I noticed the spot on the ceiling above your crib where the painter forgot to paint the molding and thought…how annoying. Did he bill me for this?
And then…I got a rush. I got a rush throughout my body not unlike a wave of energy. The super MOM rush – the kind you hear about on the news when a giant tree limb falls on a child and the child’s mother lifts the entire limb on her own from the pure, raw, insane strength from within. I said to myself – this is possible. This is totally possible. I can do this.
Here is the part of the story where I would insert all the gushy emotional boo hoo amazing things about your father’s love and support with this decision Lili but then the guys at the office would make fun of him so I promise to whisper them to you another time.
All I know my little Lili Bird is that you have changed my life in ways I thought I would never imagine. You and your father remind me that I can be me plus a wife plus a Mom plus a Writer. Our lives are constantly growing and shifting together in waves and we three are doing our best to ride them.
This morning you were on your play mat. You rolled to the left, you then rolled a little further to the left and just as I said to myself, “No way is she doing this…” you rolled yourself completely over – on your own – to your belly. I clapped and screamed, “You did it!!!!”.
It was 10AM. I was there. Lucky enough to see it.
xo
I am SO, SO, SO happy and proud for you. You NAILED it. Sorry for yelling. You’ve realized a) if you went to work you would never have see your kid roll over. b) how could you ever consider subcontracting the most important job in the world to a minumum wage worker who will never be able to teach your kids your families values. That’s YOUR job not he nanny’s. My wife chose not to go back to work. Today I have two great kids and a low stress household thanks to her unselfish choice. Good for you. I am so, so proud. GREAT choice. It is one that you, your husband & your kid will never regret. They grow up fast. You can always work later. Right now you have to teach that little person how to be the best possible kid that the two of you can possibly raise. If you do a good job the world will be a better place. If you subcontract out the responsibility of raising your daugher who knows what sort of results you will get. It’s too important a task to take that gamble. Embrace it. Love it & keep writing. Every time I read your blog I think, what a beatiful love letter to your daughter & your husband. Keep up the good work. It’s not an easy job but it is so, so important.
Spud
I agree!!!…(with you and the comment above) I can not say more. My love to you.
karina
Exactly. (I’m so glad I work at home — I can’t imagine missing a moment with Dante in these first months / years.) Babies are little for SUCH a short time… if we want to do it and we can swing it, then staying / working at home is such a gift to our kids and to ourselves. Congrats you guys!
congrats! you won’t regret it! I too work/design from home, enjoy a 7 month old and have never been happier.
Sorry, not to get all Mommy Wars in your comments, but whoa, Spud. With all due respect, I think it’s awesome that Kristen (and you) made choices that worked for you and your families, but other people make different choices, or don’t have the luxury of having a choice, and still have great kids.
I also work at home, and consider it a great privilege, so I don’t feel personally defensive of the topic. I just think that to lie down a blanket statement about what is best for all families is a pretty slippery slope of judgment that doesn’t serve the kids we are all working so hard to raise.
Nicole, Thank you for the rational reply, though I do stand by my original statement. I, emphsize, I think that too many kids and families are sacrificed or compromised on the alter of bigger, better, more & ‘me’. I think more folks need to commit to the fact that once you have a kid, it’s not about you anymore. Its about doing the best job you can to raise the best kid / person / future adult you can. I don’t think that you can truly do your best, by working at it as a part time job. In my (certainly not humble) opinion kids need familes & families need moms.
Spud
Sorry Kristen – didnt mean to take up the soapbox.
Just keep writing your ‘love letters’ to your family. They are wonderful to read.
Let it be said, not only are you a mum and a writer, you are a GREAT mum and GREAT writer. K, you are in a super position to be able to stay at home and do that thing you do unlike so many other jobs where it is office or nothing. I think we’re really fortunate to be able to do that (as I’m someone that prefers writing from home to the office. At the moment, anyway, this may wildly change). And, of course, if you decide you do want to go back to the office, that’s rad too. Freedom of choice = aceness.
Oh yeah, and well done to li’l Roly-poly!
I’m not saiyng that he’s wrong in the A-Ram example, but who really cares what Bob Brenly thinks about anything? This is a guy who did everything a manager can possibly do to sabotage the D-backs chances of winning the World Series. Luckily for him, he had Johnson and Schilling to balance out his blunders.
TIot3C wuxwtjmetprt
Yay for you! Yay for future library Storytime and playdates and all sorts of weekday fun. Earlier this week I briefly entertained the thought of looking into adding a 3rd day to my 2 day workweek and before it even formulated into a real thought bubble I was all, “Wha? No. NO. This will not happen.” I lucked out to find a well-paying part-time job and lucked out that I care enough about said co-workers to WANT to work a bit more but at the same time, Oliver is obsessed with “helping” me load the dishwasher and there’s ALWAYS dishes to load…work-schmurk. I definitely understand why women do it, I’m just not one of those women that can and fortunately, we’re in a position to make it work…as are you. My only tip is I write really sappy notes in my husband’s lunches that I make with extra TLC just so the guys at his work are En-V-Us! Sometimes I go overboard, but I am making lunch prototypes…. http://flickr.com/photos/kayandtommy/1811746663/
congratulations kristen. this is just beautiful. good luck! :)
best choice ever (and difficult too), i hope to do the same..
I made that choice long ago (okay, not that long ago…) and have never, ever regretted it.
(Fine… only once – but that huge Coach bag was REALLY nice..)
-alissa, formerly 2XA, and now… squishy tushy
[...] So…how did we get here? It might help to back up and read this: http://kdunk.com/2008/04/09/you-did-it/ [...]
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