When I was 9 months pregnant we were smushed into a tiny table with four other strangers eating soup dumplings in Chinatown. They moved two tables so I could squeeze my gigantic belly in.
Half way through our slurping Eliot asked me earnestly, honestly and somewhat wistfully, “Can we do this…when we have a baby?” I knew what he meant. He didn’t mean eat soup dumplings – but sort of. It wasn’t a plan we had made for the day but rather a plan that evolved after a wonderful day of walking around, feeling tired and hungry and finally our bellies (a big belly in my case) getting the best of us.
The truth was – at the time – I didn’t know but I said yes. This is how people survive as a couple. Convincing your spouse that anything is possible even if it isn’t.
After I reassured him with a false confidence – I remember I paused and looked around the crowded room. There was one stroller in back but the baby was bigger and chunky and well fed and being passed around like a delicious appetizer. What about a newborn? When we had a baby I truthfully didn’t know if this was something we could still do. I couldn’t imagine NOT doing the thing we loved to do most together – not make a plan – go do something – which leads to another something – which leads to another something and so on…
This weekend I was Mom’d out. I just couldn’t deal. All week I was ok with my usually tight, predictable and safe schedule. I liked being a Mom. I liked running Mom errands. I liked nursing and cleaning and preparing bottles and making Mom plans with other Moms all week. But on Saturday I was officially Mom’d out. I just wanted to sleep in with my husband. Drink caffeine all day. Get a massage. Write. Grab my camera. Tell people to shut up. Was that bad?
Lili woke up unusually early. 5AM. She was a beast. Adorable – yet like a writhing boa constrictor. She was totally out of my control and squirming her body into different positions and never satisfied. Put her in her chair = wanted up. Sling = out. Nurse = wanted up. Put her on her play mat = wanted up. In her crib = wanted out. The only thing that satisfied her was to be glued to my hip like a little monkey. Literally a little monkey clinging to my body turning her head left and right to view the world from my left hip. Happy and satisfied.
When Eliot woke up we made a plan. It was sunny and spring like. We packed the kid up and hit the streets. ‘Where are we going?’ Eliot asked. Lili asked too – but with her wide eyes looking up at me. The truth was I didn’t know. I didn’t have answers for them. I only knew I needed to keep us walking without a plan. It was best for us.
Our travels found us on a brief subway ride. A long walk to Chinatown. A stroll into a crowded restaurant for soup dumplings. A long walk over the Manhattan bridge and a late night dinner at a friend’s house bringing Lili over in her pajamas.
Looking back I was so proud of us all. A happy husband with a full belly. A baby that squawked only once the entire day – at the restaurant.
Who could blame her really. Like her Mama she wanted up and out.
Not to miss a single thing.
K, you always start my day with a good feeling about the world. I hope this leads to a book. Ralph
bravo. i love it when i read about, and especially have, the courage to break out of those “predictable schedules” a parent is supposed to adhere to…babies are humans, too; even, chips off the ol’ blocks, so they say…!