KDUNK

This morning I attempted to let your father sleep in a bit even though I was repeatedly squeaking one of your toys over and over again to entertain you (aka secretly wake him up). Finally after a while it was time for the ‘hand off’so you and I walked down the hall to the bedroom to get him.

Upon walking down the hall we heard rapid typing on his computer coming from the bedroom and could even see his hands through the crack in the doorway typing, typing, typing away and the blue glow of his computer screen.

Within seconds we opened the door and wow…what do you know…Dad was ‘asleep’– his head fallen to the right, chest heaving up and down and miraculously his hands still frozen on the computer keyboard and not moving.

Mom: Um…dude…you are SO faking it right now…

(fake sleeping continues)

Mom: Seriously…as if you fell asleep with your hands frozen on the keys of the computer…honestly…

A smile creeps over Dad’s face as he realizes he is totally busted.

Lili…can you say…busted?

This morning in the deli I heard a man standing close to my left start laughing a slow, then progressively louder laugh. I turned my head and he was staring at you in the sling and said with a chuckle,

Oh I remember my daughter at that age. And now she’s in the car outside telling me what to do with my life. Enjoy it. 

Dear Lili,

Here are some of the fun and amazing things you are doing lately. Ok. Maybe just your Dad and I think they are fun and amazing. But if you sold tickets to all the things you do – you can be sure we’d be in the front row in the expensive seats clapping.

(4 months old on April 9th)

Lately you are:

ROLLING – rolling and rolling. Your rolling has taken on a funny twist. When placed on your stomach you now violently and quickly roll to the right and are on your back within seconds as if you are staring in an action movie with Angelina Jolie and some bad guy is on your tail but you are too fast for him and leap from a building and roll to the ground to safety. It is quite impressive.

TALKING – you are SO LOUD and SCREAMING when you talk at times. I find it hilarious if not ear piercing. You do this a lot but mostly when you are placed on your back on your play mat. I don’t know what you are saying but I bet the neighbors three blocks down could tell you.

SITTING UP – you can pretty much sit up straight on your own if propped up in that position and with my hand resting lightly on your back. However recently you’ve started this funny thing. When you are sitting in your bouncey chair – you now hunch your entire body forward as if doing a stomach crunch and grunt and make a funny face and stick your arms out. At first I thought you were taking a poop because I am your Mom and assume everything having to do with a baby involves pooping. It was only recently I realized you were attempting to sit up on your own. You want up! Up!

SHINY THINGS – your favorite toy now is some gold wrapping paper a baby gift came in. You play with it – scrunching it and eating it for close to 20 minutes a day. I thought this love for crackling shiny paper might translate into just plain old catalogs and mistakenly gave you a page from one the other day. You sort of liked it but not really. Maybe you just don’t like Crate & Barrel. In fairness it is not that shiny.

BURNING STARE WHILE EATING – you think it is hilarious when I eat and you see me chew. You stare into my skull and watch me for a second and then when I turn my head towards you your entire face lights up and you crack a smile so wide the earth could fall inside. And you are right. It is funny to watch Mom eat smoked gouda for breakfast because she is starving and tired and can’t deal with making something else.

BOOKS – you LOVE books. I read at least 6 books to you in the morning when you first wake up. You flap your arms up and down when one book ends until I begin another. You like the sounds and rhythms and repetition I try to establish with each book. Sometimes you look at me as if to say, ‘Oh – this is the book where Mom acts like a total idiot. I like this one!’. You now like books with more than three words in them. You also want to touch each and every page as we read these books which calculates to roughly one page every half hour. You have started something a little insane that we can’t tell if it is a coincidence or not – but you now open the ‘peek a boo’flap that appears on each page of this one book – on your own – with your little hand. It’s freaky.

WINDOW – you like looking out the window and talking. You watch people walk dogs, kids on scooters, workmen with trucks, etc. You babble to the things you see outside and drool. Just the other day I swear you said, “That’s a no parking on Tuesdays zone!” but I can’t be sure.

CRIB – you love your crib now and have just discovered your mobile. You have been sleeping in your crib alone on your own since you were just a few weeks old but now it seems you have the sense it is ‘your’room. You used to wake up crying and want to eat immediately but now I hear you in the monitor talking and laughing and entertaining yourself until I come in to get you.Yesterday morning you did the cutest most adorable thing. When I walked in to get you from your crib your eyes wandered over from the mobile to where I was standing and you let out a gasp of excitement sucking in air as if to say, ‘YAY! YOU’RE HERE!’.

I’m here my little baby. I’m so here.

xo

Dear Lili,

Today sucked and here is why… your mother has gone to great lengths to pump, sterilize and prepare bottles for you several times a day to teach you the bottle but you are still not having it. I even get up several times in the night 1AM, 3AM, 5AM, etc. to pump and prepare more milk for you with the goal being that you will learn to take the bottle from someone else other than me and I can leave you for a while to get some writing done or god forbid do something nice for myself – by myself! But noooooooo. You’re not having it. For example here is how today went:

Nanny came and I forced myself to walk the 20 minutes up to the gym.

Got to gym and did not have wallet with my ID in it to get in.

Decided to return pair of your Dad’s pants I’ve been lugging around in bag. Store says can’t return pants because I don’t have ID – left in wallet at home.

Start to walk 20 minutes back home.

Go to call nanny to check on you guys but cell phone falls on sidewalk and smashes to bits. Does not turn on for over 20 minutes. I dig in bag for quarter to use pay phone and realize Nanny’s number is in my phone. My dead phone. Can’t even find quarter because left wallet at home.

Phone finally turns on magically after I pounded it in anger against my palm. I go to call Nanny but Nanny beats me to it calling me to say you are totally freaking out and won’t take the bottle and that I need to rush home.

Rush home and both she and I are unable to sooth you for close to 30 minutes. You are choking on your own mucus, tears streaming down your face, your chest is heaving and you are hysterical. Finally I nurse you even though I am trying desperately to teach you the bottle and not the boob so I can leave the house now and again!!!

Once you are calm tell nanny I am going out (with wallet) for a bit with the goal of getting a pedicure. Get to pedicure place and all is going well until I get another call from Nanny that you are once again hysterical. I rush home and smear my not fully dry toenails on the way.

Once home the two of us are unable once again to calm you. You are hysterical. Twenty minutes later I finally break and nurse you again but this time you are so hysterical that you choke on milk each time you try to drink it. You choke. Drink. Choke. Drink. Choke – turn blue gasping for air kind of choke. It is stressful and annoying. Despite trying to remain calm I am moved to tears.

Finally you pass out from exhaustion.

I look at the clock and it is time for the nanny to go home.

I pay her $70.

THE END

Number one way NOT to wake up your poor tired husband:

Come running out of the bathroom at 8AM yelling, ‘GUESS WHO’S PREGNANT?!!!!’with a wild look in your eyes… having just heard from a friend that is pregnant with twins and in fact not you…the woman who had a baby only a few short months ago.

Sorry hubs.

Good morning.

Coffee?

Lili – every week you are changing it is truly amazing. Sometimes you go down for a nap and this sounds crazy but you literally wake up bigger. This happens to Mama too but that is only because I eat ramen noodles for breakfast and lemon cake for lunch.

You do many things as of late and here are some of them:

-Fist eating – it is all about the fist and finger eating as of late. You suck on your fists and make loud slurping noises in public so people think your mother never feeds you. Sometimes you manage to get three fingers in your mouth at one time but they go too far back and you gag but you don’t know how to pull them out so you keep gagging like you did on line at the bank the other day and I had to yank them out

-Giggles – there are hints of giggles related to something funny although for a family that likes to crack each other up you sure are holding back. Dad got the first giggle out of you by sitting you on his belly when he was in bed and bringing your face close to his. Your giggle sounds more like a large exhale while holding a long note like, “Haaaa” (pause) “Haaaa“

-Books – You recognize certain pages in the books I read you. You are obsessed with a book called ‘Tails’that has brought Mama’s IQ down several points but you love it. There is a part in the book full of blue shiny circles with crackling paper and when I turn the page you suck in your breath like you got the shivers and gasp and your eyes get wide and you kick your feet with excitement. In fact now that I think of it you like all crackling sounding things.

-Being Held – You love to be held. Not in a comfort sort of way although that too. But more in a cool – the view from here is so much better! kind of way. You are not only holding your head up more which you have done since birth but are now turning it fully from left to right. Often to peer at the TV (bad), the light in the living room pouring into your bedroom when we try to put you to sleep (bad) or your Dad walking around the room (good)

-Play Mat – you are on your back on your play mat on the floor and instead of reaching for the objects that hang before you – you instead clasp your hands together, suck your fists and occasionally raise a leg to kick one of the objects hanging from it. This reminds Mama of the enthusiasm she shows for excercise as well so she does not hold this against you.

-Fake Sleeping – sometimes you cry and cry indicating you are tired after being fed so we swaddle you up, get you cozy in blankets, give you a pacifier, put you in your bounce chair and then you whip your head around until you ‘fall asleep’. Then we go on the computer or pick up something to read when all of the sudden we feel a burning stare into the sides of our temples to our right. We turn our heads and see you – not sleeping at all in fact and instead giving a gummy smile so wide the entire earth could fall inside. The paficier drops out and you say smiling with bright eyes, “Guhhhhh“. Frankly it is adorable even though it is naughty.

-Mirrors – you like to look in the mirror although it still freaks you out a bit. You often focus on me first in the mirror and crack up and have a good time but then your eyes slowly wander over and you see yourself and you pull your head back and go – woah…dude - your eyes dart away back to me and then you. Then you can’t stop looking at yourself and you look very serious and sometimes concerned as if to say – woah – I could really use some serious hair products…

I love you my sweet little girl

xoxo

Today was my first day of interviewing nannies. I’d like to start practicing having one come a few days a week in the morning while I write, run errands and like every mother that has gone through this – pray to god someone doesn’t run away with my child.

When interviewing nannies in New York you have the chance to meet women from all over the world. I promised myself that while I might not be used to the way another woman would more or less raise my child while I am not around that I would at least be open to hearing her suggestions on how to deal with certain situations – to a degree in which I was comfortable.

Today I met a very nice woman and asked her several questions. Somehow the topic of Lilian’s chronically gunky right eye came up.

Nanny: She has a cold…in her eye

Me: Actually it’s just gunky. The doctor said it is fine and will go away in a few weeks.

Nanny: (silently but disagreeing with pursed lips) Sometimes babies get colds in their eyes

Me: Yes. That is what I hear.

Nanny: (growing excited) You know what you can do for her? We do this in my country.

Me: What?

Nanny: You need to to find another mother….the mother of a baby boy – not girl… and you need to ask the woman if she can please squirt the milk of her breast into Lilian’s eye.

Me: Huh. Wow. Ok…

So…remember that whole part about being open to suggestions?

This is not one of them.