Today I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. I haven’t had one since the month before Lili was born. My toes were starting to resemble those that might belong to a hobbit with nails so long they could qualify for the Guiness Book of World Records. Gross. It was time to deal.
This may sound totally vain but – oh well. One of the things I miss about my life pre-kid was having time to look nice. Put on lipstick. Brush my hair. Shave my legs. Wear an outfit that matches and is not barfed on. Iron things. Get my hair cut on a regular basis. I just can’t deal anymore because by the time I wake up she is already freaking out and I hit the ground running.
So – was feeling sorry for my disheveled self and decided to get a pedicure. The more and more I try and do things I used to do pre-newborn like…get a pedicure the more I realize why those places aren’t full of kids. Because it sucks and is unrelaxing to bring your kid places where the goal is for YOU to relax. Like what genius invented Mommy and Me Yoga? Lame. What a nightmare – trying to do a child’s pose while your own child strikes a pose that resembles a backwards letter C as she screams her guts out in a purple faced protest on your yoga mat. Mmmn. Relaxing.
So I walk into place which is fairly empty to my relief.
K: Hi. I’d like a basic pedicure please
Lady: You want Pedicure Deluxe with 20 minute foot massage and lavendar scrub wine bath? $45 dollars.
K: Ah…no. I want a basic pedicure please.
Lady: Oh ok. Right this way…
So I stroll Lili to the back but the way the chairs are set up I can only place the stroller where I can’t see her and she can’t see me. This is a bad arrangement on several levels so I am forced to take her out of the stroller and hold her on my lap.
She is momentarily mesmerized by all the pink and glitter in the room which I mistakenly took as a sign like ‘Hey – this might work!’ but within seconds she looked like she had sucked on a lemon and began to cry and was like forget this….boobs please. So I had to feed her. Burp her. Bounce her. Feed her again. Talk to her. Turn my body around in a back breaking position so she could space out quietly while looking at a wall full of bright colored nailpolish. Stroll her furiously around the salon until my toenails were dry. It was basically everything I do at home but just having my feet dipped in water and paying for it. Literally.
The woman giving me my pedicure was also SO SLOW. Each toe of mine that she painted was like the freakin’ Mona Lisa. I finally started to lose it as Lili gave me her usual meltdown warnings.
After a colossal dump and a messy diaper change on the table in the eyebrow waxing room in back I paid and we finally left.
Time for a massage.
You need a toddler/ pre-school-aged mom friend! I go with my friend who has a baby (when Olivia is with the nanny), and then we can take turns holding him. It works out pretty well.
And what is it with the long-ass time to paint a toenail? It’s always when you are in a rush…
I stumbled upon your blog and love! love! love! the way you write! I have a 5 mo old. You summed up mommy baby yoga perfectly- I felt as though you were writing about my experience. I haven’t tried mommy baby pedicures, but will take note.
Hey, come on! I’ve had recent surgery and all this heavy laughter is threatening my chest to open up like a clam in hot steam On the other hand, I’ve always said I’d like to go laughing.
ps. Remember , we have six kids.
YEA!! I haven’t read all of your posts yet but I just wanted to say that I am really excited that you are blogging again! Esp as a new mom. :-)
I forgot to mention one time I had to bring O with me to get a brow wax… just couldn’t find the time and was beginning to resemble Bert a little too much. So she was in her stroller and I was on the table and she was like “Mommy. New diaper.” Apparently they look a lot like changing tables from a certain perspective….